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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table shows propotion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#propotion #income #adults #children #items #uk
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The table compares four common items on which British adults and
children
Use synonyms
 spent their money in 1998. It can be seen that adults, men, and women had
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 interest in music and videos, but when it comes to
children
Use synonyms
,
boys
Use synonyms
, and
girls
Use synonyms
, they had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different results on the table. Adults, men, and women spent their budget
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food the most, which were 25, 14, and 39
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively. Meanwhile, they spent a little money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
videos, which were at 1, 2, and 0.5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and the electronic equipment and music were almost the same
usage
Change the noun form
usages
show examples
, which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 from 5 to 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Children
Use synonyms
,
boys
Use synonyms
, and
girls
Use synonyms
 spent their money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music at 39, 38, and 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, they purchased a lot of electronic equipment,
such
Linking Words
 as
children
Use synonyms
 at 24,
boys
Use synonyms
 at 18, and
girls
Use synonyms
 at 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Children
Use synonyms
,
boys
Use synonyms
, and
girls
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 showed higher
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the food and videos.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, boys, girls, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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