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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the would are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #traffic #jam #measures #government #people #cars
In the past three decades, the number of
car
 owners
continues
Wrong verb form
has continued
show examples
 to increase, posing the world “one big traffic congestion” leading the world to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 global traffic crisis. I strongly believe the world is now facing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem
due to
 the
cars
' usage rate. And it is
also
 a huge challenge for the governments to discourage
people
 from driving their
cars
. One of the primary drivers for most
car
 users is the lack of accessible public
transport
.
Although
 public
transport
 was introduced among citizens, the cost is unaffordable. In fact, in some big
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using a
car
 is cheaper compared to public
transport
.
For instance
, In Bangkok, one trip to work by personal
car
 costs around 120 baht, but the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 using the metro is approximately 150 baht. The pricing gap convinces
people
 to steadily drive their
cars
. To discourage
people
 from using their
cars
, the government should provide not only a wider public
transport
 line but
also
 a cheaper price to allow all
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 classes to use public
transport
. make them affordable for all socioeconomic classes. Another thing to solve
this
 issue is the policy directly related to
cars
.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 increasing fuel
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 and
car
 taxes.
Additionally
, implementing policies directly targeting
car
 ownership,
such
 as raising fuel prices and increasing
car
 taxes.These two policies would make driving a
car
 unaffordable for
people
, resulting in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
car
 users on the road. would make driving more costly and,
therefore
, less appealing.
To conclude
, traffic congestion is a catastrophic effect every nation faces for a period of time. There are several reasons related to
this
,
such
 as the high price of public
transport
. To encourage
people
 to avoid driving, the governments should announce
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new policy in terms of fuel and
car
 taxes.
Submitted by warattayafinn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a single clear main idea, and use more linking words to connect these ideas smoothly.
task achievement
To provide a clearer and more comprehensive response, elaborate more on the measures the government can take and provide more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure.
task achievement
Provided a relevant example regarding the cost of car usage versus public transport in Bangkok.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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