Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #schools #waste #time #resources #whilst #school #part #education

In my opinion to agree or disagree with the statement

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Some

people

believe that having

sport

in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other

people

believe that

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Is an important issue to discuss.

First,

I will present some agreement supporting

this

description after which some

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

against that will be discussed

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

On the one

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

people

agree with the statement

people

believe that

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Many educational experts and researchers agree that incorporating sports and physical activity into the

school

curriculum is an important aspect of a well-rounded

education

. for many critical

reasons

Add a comma

reasons,

show examples

the most important

reasons

Change the verb form

are

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Physical development and health؛ Participating in sports helps

students

develop physically, improving their coordination, endurance, and

overall

fitness The

scand

Correct your spelling

second

reason is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Cognitive benefits ;

students

halp

Correct your spelling

help

regular

Change preposition

with regular

show examples

activities .Social and emotional development: Sports provide opportunities for

students

to develop important social skills,

such

as teamwork, communication, and leadership On the other

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

, some

people

oppose

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

explanation,Some

people

believe that having

sport

in schools is a waste of time and resources for many

reasons

the most vital

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

is that

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to physical injuries؛

students

lose the focus to subject because feeling ‏tiredness. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

I strongly agree with

this

discussion

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above l

also

believe that it would be unfair

Fix the infinitive

to pervent

show examples

pervent

Correct your spelling

prevent

the

sport

school

Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on Tue Aug 27 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between the paragraphs and points can be improved. Try to use more connective words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments. For example, phrases like 'Firstly', 'Additionally', and 'In contrast' can help the reader follow your points more easily.

Task Achievement

The task response is quite strong as you addressed both views and provided your opinion in the conclusion. However, to achieve a higher score, your essay needs more specific examples and clearer ideas. Try to elaborate more on each reason mentioned and provide concrete examples to support your claims.

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all the shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? Huyền

You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter -explain why you are selling -describe the furniture -suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furniture