Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #schools #waste #time #resources #whilst #school #part #education

In my opinion to agree or disagree with the statement

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Some

people

believe that having

sport

in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other

people

believe that

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Is an important issue to discuss.

First,

I will present some agreement supporting

this

description after which some

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

against that will be discussed

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

On the one

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

people

agree with the statement

people

believe that

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Many educational experts and researchers agree that incorporating sports and physical activity into the

school

curriculum is an important aspect of a well-rounded

education

. for many critical

reasons

Add a comma

reasons,

show examples

the most important

reasons

Change the verb form

are

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Physical development and health؛ Participating in sports helps

students

develop physically, improving their coordination, endurance, and

overall

fitness The

scand

Correct your spelling

second

reason is

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Cognitive benefits ;

students

halp

Correct your spelling

help

regular

Change preposition

with regular

show examples

activities .Social and emotional development: Sports provide opportunities for

students

to develop important social skills,

such

as teamwork, communication, and leadership On the other

hands

Fix the agreement mistake

hand

show examples

, some

people

oppose

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

explanation,Some

people

believe that having

sport

in schools is a waste of time and resources for many

reasons

the most vital

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

is that

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to physical injuries؛

students

lose the focus to subject because feeling ‏tiredness. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

I strongly agree with

this

discussion

sport

school

is a vital part of

education

. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above l

also

believe that it would be unfair

Fix the infinitive

to pervent

show examples

pervent

Correct your spelling

prevent

the

sport

school

Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on Tue Aug 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between the paragraphs and points can be improved. Try to use more connective words and phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments. For example, phrases like 'Firstly', 'Additionally', and 'In contrast' can help the reader follow your points more easily.

Task Achievement

The task response is quite strong as you addressed both views and provided your opinion in the conclusion. However, to achieve a higher score, your essay needs more specific examples and clearer ideas. Try to elaborate more on each reason mentioned and provide concrete examples to support your claims.

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Your child is going on a three day school trip to another country. The head teacher wants to find parents to go with the group and you would like to go. Write a letter to the head teacher. In your letter:  Say why you would like to go on the trip  Suggest what you could do to help during the trip  Ask other questions about the trip
I hope this letter finds you well. I have realized that you are planning a trip for our children. I got excited when I heard that you are trying to find volunteer parents to coming with you. I always passionate about participating in such activities and decided to company if it is possible.
5.5
band
The plans show the ground floor of the library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009.
The plans illustrate the ground level of the book collection and how the place that contains knowledge and books changed after some developments from 2001 to 2009.
5
band
Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to become a high-achiever. While some claim that getting to institutions is the sole tactic to become fruitfulness. Although each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors.
4
band
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.
Nowadays, the number of people who manage their jobs from home have increased significantly. The statistics illustrate that most of this jobs are computer-based jobs such as programming. There are some benefits of working from home, however, some drawbacks are included, as well. In this essay, both sides will be discussed and I will try to draw some conclusions. One of the major advantages of carrying out the job at home is the feeling of comfort. There are no limitations such as waking at early hours or not being able to do more than one career, and these can lead to your success. Another positive point is that there is no need for transportation. Most people who work outdoor, pay a lot to move to their office, and in addition, their time is wasted on the roads. Yet, these downsides do not exist in working at ones house which makes the job more valuable. On the other hand, the main disadvantage of working online is losing contact with people which makes one less sociable. And this ...
5
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Mrs Barrett, an English-speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer. Write a letter to Mrs Barrett. In your letter suggest how you could help her in her home say why you would like to do this work explain when you will and will not be available Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
I am writing this letter with regards to your published advertisement for helper in your home. I am a multitasking individual, who can help you in your kitchen, households, and taking care of your children.

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other believe that sport in school is a vital part of education. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

The plans show the ground floor of the library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009.

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.