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Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
In today's society, saving
money
 is a beneficial activity. Some
people
 believe that it is important for all, including youngsters to save
money
 for their future period.
While
 others differing
this
 point of view. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
 statement and I support my opinion with relevant examples. On the one hand, a prominent advantage is individuals can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs through savings. To illustrate nowadays
people
 have more expectations in their life
hence
, they need
money
.
Therefore
, savings drive them to buy their needs.
For example
, the Author of Rich Dad Poor Dad mentioned in his book that through savings only he becomes a millionaire.
Additionally
, it will help in emergency situations
such
 as hospital expenses and funerals as well.
On the other hand
, whenever
people
 start to save
money
 they should sacrifice their lives in many ways. In brief, they can not save
money
 without reducing their spending habit.
For instance
, when a person wants to buy an iPhone he could buy it by reducing his daily needs.
Therefore
, saving
money
 leads to sacrificing something in their life. In conclusion,
while
 It is true that
people
 should sacrifice something to save
money
, the benefits
such
 as
fulfill
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 their needs and help in emergency situations offers are undeniable.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that it is important for everyone to save funds for their future.
Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. Use more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to enhance flow and coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. For instance, you can include scenarios from different cultures or economic backgrounds.
general advice
Refine sentence structures and grammar to make the essay more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
Clear and straightforward introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the essay's argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives and provides a balanced view, clearly stating the writer's opinion and supporting it with reasons.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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