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Band 4.5

The age of information technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While it has become a way of life for some, others know very little about it. Eventually we will have a polarised society and this will lead to serious social problems.To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#age #information #technology #people #surprise #life #society
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Some individuals see that the age of information and tech possess a great impact on how revelationary it can be. well, some think it will ornament the future some would say it will cause significant communal difficulties. In my own opinion, I would say it makes the community a better and more educated place.
Firstly
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, most old society members are from a lifestyle of isolation and do not communicate with the outside world.
Although
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 they do have an optimum reason for their thoughts on the matter it can be said that they have a lack of trust in mankind and have not traveled out of their city. Only knowing the same
persons
Replace the word
people
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 without meeting new people.
secondly
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, individuals can exchange their thoughts on one another's work by technical devices
while
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 staying at home whether it is scientists, office workers, or even teachers and students. If technology didn’t exist humankind would have a hard time in life. In comparison, It would be harder to tell the time
due to
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 not having clocks and watches It would
also
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 be nearly impossible to tell the weather in different parts of the globe.
To conclude
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, people will always need some kind of technical help to make their lives easier without it they will suffer from the encounter that they might face.
Submitted by albaraaalsufyani3 on

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task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention how social media platforms or online learning are changing communication and education respectively. This will make your arguments stronger and more tangible.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to logically connect your points and ensure the essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Use clear signposting language to guide your reader.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the structuring of your essay. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the topic, and develop this idea fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
You have mentioned good points regarding the benefits of technology in improving communication and education.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly reflects the main argument of your essay; it summarizes your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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