The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at he same time, the military service are in need of people. compulsory military service is beneficial and neccessary.
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that youth are jobless and unskilled,
while
military services
are in need of people
. Now people
are beginning to realize that compulsory military services
is beneficial and necessary. Personally, I Fix the agreement mistake
service
trend
to think that mandatory military Correct your spelling
tend
services
will help some of youth
to find their own way in Add an article
the youth
this
life.
Firstly
, it is well known that younger
generation is lazier. One of the main reasons behind Correct article usage
the younger
that is
spread
of home appliances. A good case in point is that previously young Correct article usage
the spread
people
were involved in household chores which consisted of many physical activities, like vacuum cleaning, dish washing
or doing laundry. But now all these tasks are done by home appliances and Correct your spelling
dishwashing
younger
generation is stuck in their gadgets without acquiring any skills. It is not only about the physical work, it is Add an article
the younger
also
about gaining a new neural connections
when they try new things. And during military Correct the article-noun agreement
new neural connections
a new neural connection
Fix the agreement mistake
service
services
they will do a lot of Add a comma
services,
works
and gain new experience.
Fix the agreement mistake
work
On the other hand
, during compulsory military Fix the agreement mistake
service
services
young Add a comma
services,
people
will have time and concentration to think about what for
they want to spend their lives. Take Change preposition
apply
for example
now they are disturbed with
video games and social Change preposition
by
network
which does not allow them to focus on thoughts about what they want to do in Fix the agreement mistake
networks
this
life and what profession to choose. Also
, there will be elder people
to guide them in this
direction.
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that compulsory military services
are beneficial for youth. As it will help them to become more mature and find out what they want to do in future. As soon as they find their passion, they will study and train to gain more skills which will help them in their future employment.Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Refine the introduction to clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help in providing a clear map for the reader.
task achievement
The essay can be enhanced by providing more specific examples to support the main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
general
Try to eliminate minor grammatical and phrasing issues to improve clarity. For instance, ‘trend to think’ should be ‘tend to think’. Additionally, phrases like ‘during military services’ should be ‘during military service’.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every idea is fully developed and connected to the next logically. Transitions between paragraphs can be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive discussion on the topic and addresses the task effectively by presenting a clear stance on compulsory military service.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the impact of home appliances on youth and the distractions of video games, helps in illustrating your points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, helping to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?