The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at he same time, the military service are in need of people. compulsory military service is beneficial and neccessary.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that youth are jobless and unskilled,
while
military
services
are in need of
people
. Now
people
are beginning to realize that compulsory military
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
is beneficial and necessary. Personally, I
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
to think that mandatory military
services
will help some of
youth
Add an article
the youth
show examples
to find their own way in
this
life.
Firstly
, it is well known that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation is lazier. One of the main reasons behind
that is
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
of home appliances. A good case in point is that previously young
people
were involved in household chores which consisted of many physical activities, like vacuum cleaning,
dish washing
Correct your spelling
dishwashing
show examples
or doing laundry. But now all these tasks are done by home appliances and
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation is stuck in their gadgets without acquiring any skills. It is not only about the physical work, it is
also
about gaining
a new neural connections
Correct the article-noun agreement
new neural connections
a new neural connection
show examples
when they try new things. And during military
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
they will do a lot of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
and gain new experience.
On the other hand
, during compulsory military
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
young
people
will have time and concentration to think about what
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they want to spend their lives. Take
for example
now they are disturbed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
video games and social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
which does not allow them to focus on thoughts about what they want to do in
this
life and what profession to choose.
Also
, there will be elder
people
to guide them in
this
direction. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that compulsory military
services
are beneficial for youth. As it will help them to become more mature and find out what they want to do in future. As soon as they find their passion, they will study and train to gain more skills which will help them in their future employment.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Refine the introduction to clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help in providing a clear map for the reader.
task achievement
The essay can be enhanced by providing more specific examples to support the main points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
general
Try to eliminate minor grammatical and phrasing issues to improve clarity. For instance, ‘trend to think’ should be ‘tend to think’. Additionally, phrases like ‘during military services’ should be ‘during military service’.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every idea is fully developed and connected to the next logically. Transitions between paragraphs can be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive discussion on the topic and addresses the task effectively by presenting a clear stance on compulsory military service.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the impact of home appliances on youth and the distractions of video games, helps in illustrating your points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, helping to leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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