IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days, there are only a few countries which still
does
Verb problem
apply
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have
death
Add an article
the death
a death
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penalty
Use synonyms
 in their judgmental law .
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of the countries did remove
this
Linking Words
 kind of
punishment
Use synonyms
 . But
still
Add a comma
still,
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 people have different ideas about that . My personal answer lies somewhere in between but I can mention some of
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 and cons of
this
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 topic. On a large scale , capital
punishment
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 may seem against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern civilization and human rights too . It can be considered as a barbarian act and feels
to
Replace the word
too
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 violent .
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, There are some other alternatives like long-time imprisonment or heavy financial
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
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 for it .
Also
Linking Words
 , we must always keep an eye
for
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 chance of changing
of
Change preposition
apply
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a criminal that with the death
penalty
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 there is none .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , we should consider the rights of a
victims
Change noun form
victim's
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 family . At first sight , the only way to ensure justice can be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 in their opinion as we all heard the famous phrase " An eye for an eye " .
According to
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 that , I think the
victims
Change noun form
victim's
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 family or the community representative must play a role in assigning the
penalty
Use synonyms
 .
Additionally
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 , another key point is the effectiveness of the fine .
The capital
Correct article usage
Capital
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punishment
Use synonyms
 , good or bad , can act as a deterrent and reduce
crime
Add an article
the crime
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 rate .
Overall
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 , I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 kind of
punishment
Use synonyms
 yet I think there should be solid alternatives for it that are hard to tolerate .
Lastly
Linking Words
 , the death
penalty
Use synonyms
 should be only for the most violent kinds of crime and it must used as
least
Replace the word
little
show examples
 as it can .

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is good. However, your personal opinion is not strongly stated or defended, which weakens the overall argument. Make sure to clearly express and support your opinion throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples that can strengthen your arguments. Including relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience can make your points more convincing and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure needs improvement. Some sentences could be rephrased for better flow and coherence. For example, avoid starting sentences with 'But' or 'And,' and use more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer paragraphing. Start a new paragraph for each main point to improve readability and structure. This will also help in organizing your ideas better.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
You did well in including key points such as the rights of the victim's family and the potential deterrent effect of capital punishment.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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