IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet, To what extent do you aree or disagree?

#meat #diet #aree
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Some experts believe that everybody should eat
vegetables
 and completely cut down on
meat
 products.
In other words
,some
people
 feel that not only do they not have to eat just
meat
 or fish in order to be healthy,but
also
 they can be
vegeterian
Correct your spelling
vegetarian
 and consume
vegetables
 and
fruits
.I strongly disagree with
this
 opinion and
also
 I will propose some significant reasons for my disagreement. First of all,it is argued by some
people
 that if
people
 tended to follow a healthy
diet
,it would be better to avoid eating
meat
.
This
 is because it is recommended by some nutrition doctors that
people
 should eat plenty of
fruits
 and
vegetables
 so as to stay healthy.
Moreover
,some
people
 think if they give up eating
meat
,they will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 likely to gain weight.
That is
 to say,as there is not any fatness in
vegetables
,the majority of
people
 may prefer to use
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
vegetable
 and
fruits
.
However
,I personally think one of
most
Add an article
the most
show examples
 momentous
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 for having a healthy
diet
 is eating
meat
,fish and
vegetables
 together in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suitable portion sizes.Clearly,if
people
 try to cut down on eating
meat
,they will lose more protein and energy which is in fleshy products.
although
Capitalize word
Although
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
there are various proteins in beans,
lentil
Fix the agreement mistake
lentils
show examples
 and some
fruits
,the amount of healthy nutrients in
meat
 is substantially more than
Change preposition
in vegetabels
show examples
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
.
Additionally
,
people
 can be in
shaped
Replace the word
shape
show examples
 and have a healthy
diet
 providing that they work out regularly and give up eating junk food.
To conclude
,there is no doubt that some
people
 hold the view that avoiding
meat
 can lead to
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 a healthy
diet
.I tend to be against
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 idea because
people
 can stay healthy
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 cutting down on fast food and
also
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 some
meat
 moderately.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer structure and improved transitions between ideas. Try to use more cohesive devices to link your ideas together and ensure a smooth flow from one point to the next.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly. Provide specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and your essay more engaging.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic and task adequately, providing a clear response and covering all necessary aspects.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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