IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you think business should hire employees who will spend their entire lives working for the same company ?Explain why do you agree or disagree use specific reasons and details to support your answer

#business #employees #lives #company #support
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In
this
Linking Words
fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 world,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of individuals prefer to work for the same
company
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 should hire those
workers
Use synonyms
 who are loyal to the
company
Use synonyms
 in any
suituation
Correct your spelling
situation
. In my personal opinion, I neither agree nor disagree with the above notion.
This
Linking Words
suituation
Correct your spelling
situation
 only depends on the facts, how the
comapny
Correct your spelling
company
provide
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 basic needs to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
To begin
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 with the root , Different
employees
Use synonyms
 work for the same
company
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 many reasons. Here, I would like to mention two main specific reasons .
Firstly
Linking Words
, the chance of promotion which is usually on the basis of productivity
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
set by the
company
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 worked hard burning the midnight oil to achieve the target sometimes
employees
Use synonyms
 should be
awarded
Verb problem
rewarded
show examples
 with some kind of
incentives
Fix the agreement mistake
incentive
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, A policy set by the different pharmaceutical
companies
Use synonyms
 for their
employees
Use synonyms
, to
acomplish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
 their goals annually will be awarded
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one international tour and
employees
Use synonyms
 considered to be eligible for promotion in their ranks.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
companies
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 provide medical
insurrance
Correct your spelling
insurance
 to their employee's families
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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 their salaries
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation and social economical status.
Workers
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 benefits from these perks and do work with full devotion.
For Example
Linking Words
, In
covid 19
Correct your spelling
the COVID-19
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 crisis hit all the businesses globally. Different
companies
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 readjust or
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the salaries of their
employees
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in
economical
Replace the word
economic
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
In Addition
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, Employers provide medical
inssurance
Correct your spelling
insurance
 to their all
workers
Use synonyms
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 100k annually.
To Sum up
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,
workers
Use synonyms
 provide services to the
company
Use synonyms
 till death if
companies
Use synonyms
 look after their basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as salary and health benefits .
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
To improve clarity, ensure your ideas are comprehensively explained and clearly connected. For example, provide more elaboration on why promotions and incentives would make employees stay for long periods.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors for a higher score. Proofreading your work or using grammar-check tools can assist with this.
introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points more effectively. This can improve the overall structure of your essay.
complete response
The essay topic is addressed with specific reasons and details, which helps in addressing the task requirement.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the pharmaceutical companies' policies and the adjustments made during COVID-19.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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