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Band 6

Some people think studying in groups is better, while some think self study is better for school students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #groups #think #self #study #school #students
In
this
 fast-paced world, the majority of individuals prefer to work for the same
company
 in the long run. Businesses should hire those
workers
 who are loyal to the
company
 in any situation. In my personal opinion, I neither agree nor disagree with the above notion.
This
 situation only depends on the facts,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
how the
company
 provides basic needs to
employees
.
To begin
 with the root , Different
employees
 work for the same
company
due to
 many reasons. Here, I would like to mention two main specific reasons .
Firstly
, the chance of promotion which is usually on the basis of productivity set by the
company
.
Moreover
,
employees
 worked hard burning the midnight oil to achieve the target sometimes
employees
 should be rewarded with some kind of incentive.
For instance
, A policy set by the different pharmaceutical
companies
 for their
employees
, to accomplish their goals annually will be awarded one international tour and
employees
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 to be eligible for promotion in their ranks.
Secondly
,
companies
 provide medical insurance to their employee's families and increase their salaries
according to
 inflation and social economical status.
Workers
 get benefits from these perks and do work with full devotion.
For Example
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the COVID-19 economic crisis hit all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses globally. Different
companies
 readjust or increase the salaries of their
employees
due to
 changes in economic conditions.
In Addition
, Employers provide medical insurance to their all
workers
 up to 100k annually.
To Sum up
,
workers
 provide services to the
company
 till death if
companies
 look after their basic needs
such
 as salary and health benefits .
Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on

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task response
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance and what will be discussed in the essay. This makes it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are logically organized and connected. This will help in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
task response
Provide more detailed and varied examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a more persuasive essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that each sentence in a paragraph contributes to the development of the main idea.
task response
You provided clear and specific reasons to support your points, making the argument more credible.
task response
You included relevant examples, which helped in clarifying and supporting your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay was generally well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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