IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#“some #parents #childcare #centres #services #children #age #members #grandparents #carers #kids”
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Some would argue that working
parents
 should depend on family members to take care of their children,
instead
 of
childcare
 services.
While
 many people would prefer kids' official
centres
, I agree that relative support is the best option.
On the other hand
,
childcare
 places are very common
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for
parents
 to rely on
while
 they are at work. It provides trained teachers with a degree in the development of early childhood. The main reason why
parents
 prefer the official
centres
 is that most of them offer teaching classes
such
 as reading, writing, and music.
For example
, in KSA, governments spend around 1M to enhance the services that are provided by
childcare
centres
.
However
, I believe that kids
centres
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an insecure
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 to leave young children and a relative house is better because it provides more safety for a
child
.
On the other hand
, close relatives
such
 as grandparents, siblings and uncles, are the best caregivers for a
child
. They are aware of the
child
's personality better, which leads them to deal with the
child
's needs in a less strict way.
In addition
 to that, a
child
 is familiar with a relative house which will result in having no difficulties adapting
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a new
place
.
Therefore
, the
child
 will feel very comfortable and safe.
For example
, a study shows that a
child's
Change the noun form
children
child
show examples
 needs a lot of time to adapt
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
new
place
,
therefore
, I believe a house of a trusted family member is the best option.
To conclude
, most
parents
 believe that
childcare
centres
 are the best
place
 for children,
however
, I agree that a relative member is better because of the positive impact on the kid.
Submitted by noufxmut on

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the thesis statement. Make sure the main idea of each paragraph is apparent right from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that the transition between paragraphs is smooth. This will help in maintaining a logical structure throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views well and provides a balanced discussion around the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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