IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

#years #rise #crimes #cities
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Nowadays, significantly increased
crimes
Use synonyms
 by the youth generation in town, which is the most serious issue as any other social problem, but that does not mean that
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 less constant.As a matter of fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime continues to be a serious problem and spreads from the city to the world
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 Despite its sizable frequency, many people have not yet realized the seriousness of its danger. it is the goal of the
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 to outline the causes of
crimes
Use synonyms
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 by young in
metropoliton
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 areas and suggest
possible
Add an article
a possible
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. As far as concerned, Than
arry
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array
 of integrated
fators
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factors
 contributes to the issue. The first role
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be blamed is increased unemployment and with
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
show examples
 social valuation. Another equally important
fator ies
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factor is
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
rose up
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 population density and mobility to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least are the social factors, including ambitious
competation
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competition
 and so on. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
generally all over the world
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
expectates
Correct your spelling
expect
 to stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cities
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 standard
living
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 facilities, job
oportunities
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opportunities
, multi directional
buisness
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business
 facilities. with respect
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 mobility to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
rose up
Verb problem
,
show examples
 population density which is makes more
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 either service or
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
increases
 frustration and increased
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
. The onset of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Add a missing verb
is deficult
show examples
deficult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to prevent, but there are a number of
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 to ease the problem. The best approach is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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to
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
jobfacilities
Correct your spelling
facilities
, according will reduce pressure which may
one
Add a missing verb
be one
show examples
 of the major
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
 to social
awarnes
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awareness
,
stict
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strict
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 for
punisment aganist
Correct your spelling
punishment against
 crime. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
crimes consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
crime consequences
show examples
 are significant and spreading faster way.
However
Linking Words
, several methods of steps should be taken to
Correct your spelling
prevent
preven
Correct pronoun usage
preven this
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Goverment
show examples
Goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should have awareness
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
punisment aganist
Correct your spelling
punishment against
 laws.
Submitted by masud on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. The ideas should flow more naturally from one to the next. Consider using transitional phrases to improve the connections between your points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Mistakes such as 'arry of integrated fators,' 'rose up population density,' and 'compentative of job either service or buisness' can distract from your message.
task achievement
Use detailed examples to support your points. For instance, instead of saying 'As a example, In generally all over the world peoples expectates to stay at cities,' provide specific data or instances to build a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Continue to develop your conclusion to strongly tie together the main points you've discussed. A good conclusion will succinctly summarize your argument and reinforce your position.
task achievement
Your essay recognizes key factors contributing to youth crime, such as unemployment and social valuation. This shows good awareness of the causes.
task achievement
Including solutions like increasing job facilities and social awareness demonstrates a proactive approach to addressing the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Breakdown of family structures
  • Peer pressure
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Exposure to violence
  • Lack of recreational facilities
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance abuse
  • Weak law enforcement
  • Single-parent families
  • Parental supervision
  • Illegal activities
  • Social acceptance
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Lack of education
  • Violent neighborhoods
  • Violent media
  • Recreational options
  • Idle time
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Aggressive behaviors
  • Insufficient policing
  • Legal consequences
  • Deter
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