IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The population facing significant health risks from excessive weight is on the rise.
This
 is mainly
due to
 their sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy
food
 consumption. There are a number of solutions that should be implemented to deal with the issue of being overweight.
Firstly
, the main reason why
this
 issue has occurred is that many
people
 these days lead a sedentary lifestyle.
In other words
, most
people
 at present are busy at work, and they do not see the importance of exercising. Because of
this
, they cannot burn their calories, and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 they gain a lot of weight.
Secondly
,
people
 prefer to eat high-calorie foods. In today’s world,
people
 are always in a rush, and they do not have time to prepare their own meals.
Therefore
, they choose fast
food
 and processed
food
, which can be found easily everywhere. When
this
 kind of
food
 is consumed every day, there is no doubt that
people
 can be overweight. There are two effective solutions to overcome
this
 serious problem. One way to tackle
this
 is to ensure that
people
 avoid overeating and take more exercise. The government can come up with an awareness program to educate
people
 about the importance of regular exercise. By doing
this
, it will help them burn calories and maintain their weight. Another way to deal with
this
 problem is to avoid eating fast
food
. They should invest their time in cooking at home and eating whole foods, which contain essential vitamins and minerals for the body.
This
 can help them stay in shape. In conclusion, taking more exercise and eating healthy
food
 are effective ways to deal with
this
 issue. If
people
 implemented these solutions, the number of overweight
people
 would soon drop.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more varied complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
To further improve your task achievement, try to delve deeper into each point with more specific examples and evidence.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, which helps in guiding the reader through your argument.
logical structure
Your essay presents a clear structure that logically arranges ideas and explanations, aiding understanding.
relevant specific examples
The solutions you proposed are practical and relevant, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • genetics
  • nutritional awareness
  • processed foods
  • fast food
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative measures
  • tax incentives
  • urban planning
  • community gardens
  • wellness initiatives
  • dietary guidelines
  • physical fitness
  • calorie-dense
  • portion control
  • metabolic rate
  • health literacy
  • food deserts
  • work-life balance
  • junk food
  • BMI (Body Mass Index)
  • non-communicable diseases
  • food labeling
What to do next:
Look at other essays: