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Band 4

ordinary people copy famous people whom they see on TV and magazines. Do you think it is a positive development?

#people #copy #tv #magazines #development
The
middle class
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middle-class
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people
 are trying to become esteemed personalities by
copy
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copying
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 their styles either from
televisions
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television
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 or magazines.
This
 has been an issue of debate. In my view,
this
 is a negative development. Ordinary
people
 are copying the famous
people
, they see
on
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in
show examples
 TV
magazines
Correct word choice
and magazines
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 and
this
 tribulation has varied negative
efffects
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effects
 on the individuals who fall in
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the middle
show examples
middle class
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middle-class
show examples
 category.
Firstly
,
this
 trend can lead to
westernisation
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Westernisation
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 as
people
 might forget their own ancestral roots and
would
Verb problem
apply
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follow the
western
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Western
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 culture
instead
.
Secondly
, it can be a leading contributor
of
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to
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 impulsive buying as
people
 would buy
vougish
Correct your spelling
voguish
 things in order to meet the standards of esteemed society and end up throwing
possesions
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possessions
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 which sometimes are barely used, that can
further
 give rise
throw-away
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to throw-away
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 society, affecting the environment directly or indirectly.
Furthermore
, many eminent figures are involved in illicit activities
such
 as smoking and drinking alcohol that can make
the
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apply
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innocent
people
 fall prey
of
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to
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 them as they would consider
this
 as a societal expectation.
Moreover
, most of the prominent individuals often have expensive cars and houses that can
further
 be copied by ordinary
people
,
hence
 can make them buy
such
 possessions, which sometimes are not even in their budget and make them exhaust all
thier
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their
 funds on
such
 things. In conclusion, it can be said that the idea of ordinary
people
 following the footsteps of famous personalities whom they see on television and
magazines
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in magazines
show examples
 is
definately
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definitely
 detrimental as it would
effect
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affect
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the
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apply
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oridnary
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ordinary
people
negitavely
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negatively
.
Submitted by prabhjot06gill on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy. For example, rephrasing 'Ordinary people are copying the famous people, they see on TV magazines' can make the sentence flow better.
task achievement
More specific examples can strengthen your argument. Instead of generic terms like 'vougish things,' you might mention specific trends or items to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Ensure you use varied and precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and sophistication in your essay. Missteps like 'tribulation' and 'vougiish' can be improved.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structured answer with an introduction and conclusion, giving it a complete feel.
task achievement
There is a clear explanation of the negative impacts of ordinary people copying famous personalities, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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