IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

ordinary people copy famous people whom they see on TV and magazines. Do you think it is a positive development?

#people #copy #tv #magazines #development
The
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
 are trying to become esteemed personalities by
copy
Change the verb form
copying
show examples
 their styles either from
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
 or magazines.
This
 has been an issue of debate. In my view,
this
 is a negative development. Ordinary
people
 are copying the famous
people
, they see
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 TV
magazines
Correct word choice
and magazines
show examples
 and
this
 tribulation has varied negative
efffects
Correct your spelling
effects
 on the individuals who fall in
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 category.
Firstly
,
this
 trend can lead to
westernisation
Capitalize word
Westernisation
show examples
 as
people
 might forget their own ancestral roots and
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
follow the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 culture
instead
.
Secondly
, it can be a leading contributor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 impulsive buying as
people
 would buy
vougish
Correct your spelling
voguish
 things in order to meet the standards of esteemed society and end up throwing
possesions
Correct your spelling
possessions
show examples
 which sometimes are barely used, that can
further
 give rise
throw-away
Change preposition
to throw-away
show examples
 society, affecting the environment directly or indirectly.
Furthermore
, many eminent figures are involved in illicit activities
such
 as smoking and drinking alcohol that can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innocent
people
 fall prey
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them as they would consider
this
 as a societal expectation.
Moreover
, most of the prominent individuals often have expensive cars and houses that can
further
 be copied by ordinary
people
,
hence
 can make them buy
such
 possessions, which sometimes are not even in their budget and make them exhaust all
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 funds on
such
 things. In conclusion, it can be said that the idea of ordinary
people
 following the footsteps of famous personalities whom they see on television and
magazines
Change preposition
in magazines
show examples
 is
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 detrimental as it would
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oridnary
Correct your spelling
ordinary
people
negitavely
Correct your spelling
negatively
.
Submitted by prabhjot06gill on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to avoid redundancy. For example, rephrasing 'Ordinary people are copying the famous people, they see on TV magazines' can make the sentence flow better.
task achievement
More specific examples can strengthen your argument. Instead of generic terms like 'vougish things,' you might mention specific trends or items to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Ensure you use varied and precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and sophistication in your essay. Missteps like 'tribulation' and 'vougiish' can be improved.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a structured answer with an introduction and conclusion, giving it a complete feel.
task achievement
There is a clear explanation of the negative impacts of ordinary people copying famous personalities, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: