These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #adults #weekend #homes #development

Nowadays, in various regions, there is a growing issue with young people who, after starting their independent lives, prefer to stay at

home

rather than go out.

Overall

this

problem has serious causes and leads to negative consequences. In

this

essay, the reasons behind

this

controversial issue will be discussed,

along with

its disadvantages.

To begin

with, there are several reasons why young adults choose to spend their time at

home

Firstly

, some individuals may simply be anti-social or introverted.

Furthermore

this

group of people cannot endure

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

in crowded places or they are more comfortable being alone.

Secondly

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

of humans have a lot of staff

Change preposition

show examples

work, school and university.

Due to

this

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

could be really tired and

this

is why most of them

choosing

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

their whole

weekands

Correct your spelling

weekends

weekend

inside

homes

Correct pronoun usage

their homes

show examples

In addition

this

type of spending time has bad effects. When human choose their comfort and stay at

home

, they get used to

this

way of life. They become more antisocial, which makes their life worse and

difficult

Correct quantifier usage

more difficult

show examples

Moreover

, it can affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

health, which could

make

Verb problem

cause

show examples

serious physical and mental problems. Long

stay

Fix the agreement mistake

stays

show examples

indoors could restrict access to fresh air and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sunlight.

Besides

, it could contribute to the development of anxiety, depression and apathy, especially if a person feels limited and isolated. All in all, choosing to

spending

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

time alone at

home

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

the best idea for young adults. It has a lot of consequences, which individuals should take seriously.

Die

Correct your spelling

Due

show examples

this

, various diseases and disorders begin to develop. Do not forget that, there are many ways to relax without harm to health. When humans make a choice in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

of their comfort, they begin to destroy themselves.

Submitted by bellovanina97 on Wed Aug 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, but it could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and by using more transition words to connect ideas smoothly.

coherence cohesion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which is good. However, the thesis statement in the introduction could be more concise and aligned to clearly present your stance.

task achievement

Your main points are generally supported, but they would benefit from more specific and varied examples to illustrate your arguments.

coherence cohesion

You should ensure better cohesion between paragraphs. Linking the points more cohesively would make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

task achievement

While your ideas are clear, some sentences are awkwardly phrased. Try to revise and simplify complex sentences to ensure they are easy to understand.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

You have effectively identified several reasons why young adults might choose to stay at home and discussed the potential negative effects.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, in some countries, an increasing number of young adults are choosing to spend their whole weekend inside their own homes Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in word, picture, music or films) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries, there are more young people enrolled in work based training instead of attending university. Do the advantage of the situation outweigh the disadvantages.

Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.