IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
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Nowadays, the majority of regions seek to significantly improve the
quality
 of
life
 within their areas through economic advancement.
However
, there are certain drawbacks that may adversely affect national identity and other crucial aspects.
This
 essay explains, with supporting evidence, why enhancing economic expansion is beneficial.
The economic
Correct article usage
Economic
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 growth might contain a few disadvantages, one of them is that rapid development can lead to pollution or
can
Verb problem
apply
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destroy
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
show examples
.
For example
,
Amazon
Correct article usage
the Amazon
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 rainforest
,
Correct word choice
and, swift
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swift
Correct article usage
the swift
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 expansion of agriculture and mining in the region
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to massive deforestation.
This
 results in the loss of biodiversity and climate change. Another
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 reason is that modern
economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 projects could threaten
to
Change preposition
apply
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traditional culture and local customs. An instance of the loss of cultural heritage linked to economics can be seen in major cities in China. Fast urbanization and modernization have led to the demolition of ancient buildings, unique architectural styles and traditional atmospheres. Despite
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the drawbacks, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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dignity's
Unnecessary verb
dignity
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 that
growing
Correct article usage
a growing
show examples
 economy leads to the creation of new jobs, which reduces unemployment and promotes professional growth. An example can be seen in Vietnam. In recent decades, the region has become a major hub for manufacturing and export, attracting international companies. Another benefit is that economic development increases income, improving access to goods and services
such
 as education and healthcare.
For instance
, South Korea had
this
 type of experience. After
rapid
Add an article
a rapid
show examples
 period of economic growth, known as
“Miracle
Correct article usage
the “Miracle
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 on the
river
Capitalize word
River
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 Khan”, the finances of South Koreans have grown and opportunities for
life
 became greater. The
last
 advantage, that will be present is
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
infrastructure improvement.
For example
, development includes the construction of roads, bridges, hospitals, and schools, which enhances the
quality
 of
life
 and makes regions more accessible. In conclusion, economic prosperity has more benefits than drawbacks for countries, that want to improve their
quality
 of living opportunities inside.
This
 increases the standard of living, creates many jobs and improves infrastructure. A good approach to economic advancement can ensure sustainable progress and improved
quality
 of
life
 in the long term.
Submitted by bellovanina97 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and smoothness.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting points follow logically from it.
task achievement
Expand on some ideas to make your response more comprehensive. For instance, provide more detailed analysis on how economic development leads to specific improvements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has clearly defined introduction and conclusion sections which help in maintaining focus and overarching structure.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which makes your argument convincing.
task achievement
The underlying ideas are clear and the essay overall demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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