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Band 6

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
There has been
ongoing
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an ongoing
show examples
 debate about whether learning to cooperate through
team
sports
 at school is the best method. In my opinion,
while
team
sports
 are an excellent way to teach
cooperation
, other factors
also
 play a significant role.
This
 essay will provide arguments to support my position. One of the main reasons I agree that
team
sports
 can effectively teach
children
cooperation
 is that these activities naturally involve working with others. In every
team
 sport, there are always at least two players, and often many more, who must collaborate to achieve a common goal,
such
 as winning a game.
For instance
, in football, players need to work closely with their teammates, the coaching staff, and even the medical
team
. Each member relies on others, making
cooperation
 essential.
Therefore
,
cooperation
 is a crucial skill learned through participation in
team
sports
.
However
, I believe there are other effective ways to teach
children
cooperation
 outside of
sports
.
For example
, parents serve as the first role models for their
children
, and kids can learn how to cooperate by observing their parents’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Parents should demonstrate
cooperation
 at home to set a good example.
Additionally
, siblings often learn to cooperate naturally, as they share the same living space and daily routines. Through interacting with siblings,
children
 can practice and develop their
cooperation
 skills. In conclusion,
while
 learning to cooperate through
team
sports
 at school is highly beneficial, there are
also
 other valuable ways to teach
this
 skill,
such
 as through parental influence and sibling interactions. Both methods can significantly contribute to a child’s understanding of
cooperation
.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from slightly more detailed explanations and examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, adding some more linking phrases between paragraphs would improve the flow.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a clear introduction and a thoughtful conclusion, which effectively summarized your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Your examples, such as the one about football, were relevant and effectively illustrated your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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