IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‘Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behaviour is now having a negative impact on society.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#‘children #respect #parents #behaviour #impact #society
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Kids
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 these days don't respect the elderly compared to past years which is leading to a bad impact
to
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on
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 society. some may believe that the new way of parenting is more efficient by giving the
children
Use synonyms
 more space.
However
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, I think respect and the old method of raising
kids
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 is better. More and more
parents
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 give their
kids
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 more responsibility and freedom to learn from their own mistakes. some believe that if you give your child the chance he can come to the right conclusion and learn from life on its own.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can help little
kids
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 to have a strong opinion and strong personality. Some
parents
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 continue to raise their
children
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 the way they have been raised.
Kids
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 are still
kids
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 they need to learn respect and manners as
parents
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 it's your job to guide and lead by example. to illustrate
children
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 need to develop a sense for the other you can't teach honesty and proper behavior. Oxford University's latest study shows that
kids
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 with good role models grow to be proper adults. In conclusion, giving the
children
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 the freedom to learn or teach them how it depends on the
parents
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.
Although
Linking Words
 in my opinion
children
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 are
children
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 you can't treat them as grown people
Submitted by yalkharboush on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For example, personal anecdotes or references to studies and statistics can make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all ideas are well-developed and linked to the topic sentence.
general
Work on error-free grammar and sentence structure. This will improve clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You highlighted both perspectives on the issue, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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