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Band 5

Now many big cities in the world are increasing in size. What are the problems associated with it? What are the solutions to these problems?

#cities #world #size
Nowadays, cities all over the world are becoming bigger than they were in the past. 
This
 huge urban development
have
Change the verb form
has
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to many benefits for the citizens. The main advantage is the fact that they can find whatever they need as food, clothes or any type of assistance in a place near their houses. 
However
,
this
 increase
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 caused many problems.
Firstly
, a lot of
people
 moved from rural zones to cities and so they have become overcrowded. 
This
 is reflected
also
 by the situation in the streets. The traffic problem is one of the main issues for
people
 who live in a
metropoly
Correct your spelling
metropolis
metropole
. In fact, sometimes the time to reach a particular destination more than doubles because of the traffic.
Secondly
, the air in
city
Add an article
the city
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 is not clean anymore because of the number of cars and industries. 
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global pollution is going to dramatically increase with bad effects on the health both of
people
 and
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
. To overcome
this
 situation, the collaboration between governments and citizens is the priority. On the one hand, individuals have to pay attention to the little decisions they make daily.
For example
, do not build a new house when you can reconstruct a previous one.
Moreover
,
people
 should not use a car when it is not necessary.
On the other hand
,
Correct article usage
the governemt
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governemt
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 should discourage new construction with the imposition of higher taxes.
To sum up
,
i
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I
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 believe that
this
 uncontrolled
developement
Correct your spelling
development
 of cities may lead to an exasperation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental issues with dramatic
consequenties
Correct your spelling
consequences
 on the health of society.
Submitted by ballotta.sofi on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and flow of ideas between paragraphs by using more varied linking words and phrases. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your points with more specific examples and details. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly subject-verb agreement, to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, discussing both problems and solutions related to the increase in city sizes.
task achievement
There are some strong ideas presented that demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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