Band 9: in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The provided bar graph illustrates the data on the number of
trips
made by children in a particular country in 1990 and 2010 for different modes of transport when
traveling
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travelling
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to and from school.
Overall
, in 1990, walking was the most
favored
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favoured
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mode of transport followed by
bus
, cycling, walking and
bus
, and
car
passenger
.
Conversely
, in 2010,
car
passenger
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passengers
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became the most preferred mode of transport with a significant increase in
trips
,
while
the other modes saw a decrease in usage. In 1990, the majority of children aged 5 to 12 opted for walking to travel to and from school, with over 12
million
trips
recorded.
On the other hand
, the usage of
car
passenger
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passengers
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was the lowest at slightly above 4
million
trips
.
However
, in 2010, there was a significant shift in transportation preference, as the number of
car
passenger
trips
surged to around 11
million
, surpassing other modes. The
trips
by walking, cycling, walking and
bus
, and
bus
saw a substantial decline, almost halving their 1990 figures. Comparing the two years, the decline in the total number of
trips
for buses was relatively minor, with a reduction of about 2
million
trips
. It is evident that the trend in transportation mode for school commutes among children shifted drastically from predominantly walking in 1990 to a significant preference for
car
passenger
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passengers
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in 2010.
Submitted by saeedseheim on

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task achievement
While you have included a detailed comparison, adding more specific figures and percentages for each category would further strengthen your analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide a clear overview of each key feature before diving into detailed comparisons. This helps the reader better understand the main trends and shifts.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are logically organized and supported.
task achievement
The data from the graph is well-summarized and key features have been highlighted effectively, showing clear and comprehensive ideas.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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