IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Band 9: in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided bar graph illustrates the data on the number of
trips
Use synonyms
 made by children in a particular country in 1990 and 2010 for different modes of transport when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to and from school.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1990, walking was the most
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 mode of transport followed by
bus
Use synonyms
, cycling, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
, and
car
Use synonyms
passenger
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in 2010,
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 became the most preferred mode of transport with a significant increase in
trips
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the other modes saw a decrease in usage. In 1990, the majority of children aged 5 to 12 opted for walking to travel to and from school, with over 12
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 recorded.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the usage of
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 was the lowest at slightly above 4
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010, there was a significant shift in transportation preference, as the number of
car
Use synonyms
passenger
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
 surged to around 11
million
Use synonyms
, surpassing other modes. The
trips
Use synonyms
 by walking, cycling, walking and
bus
Use synonyms
, and
bus
Use synonyms
 saw a substantial decline, almost halving their 1990 figures. Comparing the two years, the decline in the total number of
trips
Use synonyms
 for buses was relatively minor, with a reduction of about 2
million
Use synonyms
trips
Use synonyms
. It is evident that the trend in transportation mode for school commutes among children shifted drastically from predominantly walking in 1990 to a significant preference for
car
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have included a detailed comparison, adding more specific figures and percentages for each category would further strengthen your analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide a clear overview of each key feature before diving into detailed comparisons. This helps the reader better understand the main trends and shifts.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are logically organized and supported.
task achievement
The data from the graph is well-summarized and key features have been highlighted effectively, showing clear and comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: