IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on sports facilities for top athletes, while others believe that spending should focus on facilities for the general public. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #sports #facilities #athletes #focus
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Matter of considerable debate I my opinion to agree or disagree with the discussion Some people think the government should spend more money on
sports
facilities
 for top athletes,
while
 others believe that spending should focus on
facilities
 for the general public.is an important issue to discuss l will present
agreement
Correct article usage
an agreement
show examples
 supporting
this
 description ,after which some
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 against that will be discussed . On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand , some folks agree with
this
 statement Some people think the government should spend more money on
sports
facilities
 for top athletes .
the
Capitalize word
The
show examples
 most important
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is that I believe the ideal approach is to strike a balance between investing in elite
sports
facilities
 to support top athletes,
while
also
 dedicating significant resources to providing affordable and accessible
sports
 infrastructure and programming for the general public.in my opinion
this
 category need to encourage it is vital in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, it is opposed in
this
 statement
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that spending should focus on
facilities
 for the general public apart
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
partaical
Correct your spelling
practical
particle
 concerns expressed above
also
 l believe that it is those in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of increased spending on elite
sports
facilities
 argue that it can: - Generate national pride and inspiration - Produce international recognition and success for the country - Have indirect economic and social benefits In my view, the best approach is likely to strike a balance - dedicating some resources to support and develop top athletic talent,
while
also
 investing significantly in
sports
facilities
 and programs that are available and affordable for citizens of all abilities.
This
 dual focus can help maximize the benefits to both elite performers and the general public.
However
, the specific balance struck will depend on the unique priorities, resources, and context of each individual country. I would suggest
further
 research and discussion to determine the most appropriate policy direction.
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the structure of your argument.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability.
task achievement
Presents both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
Attempts to conclude with a personal opinion and a suggested approach for policy direction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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