The role of prisons should be to punish criminals who have committed serious crimes. Training courses and education offered to prisoners are a waste of tax payers' money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #prisons #criminals #crimes #courses #education #prisoners #waste #tax #payers #money

It is a common belief that rehabilitation of victims in jails is useless and

waste

Correct article usage

a waste

show examples

of money. I strongly disagree with

this

proposal, since every

criminals

Change to a singular noun

criminal

show examples

deserves a second chance to change his personality, so they need to learn new skills. To commence with, culprits should be equipped with new knowledge and skills to prepare them to reintegrate into

society

Therefore

, they will be ready to return to

society

after the termination of their conviction period.

In other words

, when criminals do not learn new skills, they cannot find a suitable job after their release, so

this

phenomenon leads them to repeat their crimes. In a study which has been done in France, it

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

revealed that just 10% of released villains who could find a job repeated their fault. So

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of deterrent actions not only could revive a new person but

also

make

society

the

Correct article usage

show examples

safer place to live.

Correct your spelling

show examples

continue with, every human could make a mistake and commit a crime. So it is not ethical to deny

the

Correct article usage

show examples

second chance. Inmates like every

individuals

Change to a singular noun

individual

show examples

have a right to improve their characteristics and

have

Verb problem

make

show examples

meaningful

contribution

Fix the agreement mistake

contributions

show examples

to their

society

For instance

, some culprits start to memorize

Quran

Correct article usage

the Quran

show examples

and try to be

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

positive people for a country.

In addition

, it will be more logical to spend on the training sessions and

such

disciplinary activities in prisons rather than spend

for

Change preposition

show examples

arresting them frequently and keeping them in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prison. In a nutshell, prisons should be an impactful place to prepare victims to embrace their future opportunities after release.

Submitted by zohmoz93 on Wed Aug 28 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction could be slightly expanded to provide more context on the issue at hand. This would set a clearer framework for your argument.

clarity

There are a few grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, the word 'villains' is quite strong and 'victims' does not accurately refer to prisoners. Additionally, ensure subject-verb agreement and correct use of prepositions.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your arguments are clearly delineated in separate paragraphs. This helps in maintaining clarity and flow.

task response

You have a clear position and have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the study conducted in France.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured, and the main points flow well from one to another.

conclusion

Your concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The role of prisons should be to punish criminals who have committed serious crimes. Training courses and education offered to prisoners are a waste of tax payers' money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

People use the Internet for medical advice and to do medical check ups rather than directly meeting with doctors in an office. Why are they using the Internet for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?