IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The role of prisons should be to punish criminals who have committed serious crimes. Training courses and education offered to prisoners are a waste of tax payers' money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #prisons #criminals #crimes #courses #education #prisoners #waste #tax #payers #money
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It is a common belief that rehabilitation of victims in jails is useless and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal, since every
criminals
Change to a singular noun
criminal
show examples
 deserves a second chance to change his personality, so they need to learn new skills. To commence with, culprits should be equipped with new knowledge and skills to prepare them to reintegrate into
society
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will be ready to return to
society
Use synonyms
 after the termination of their conviction period.
In other words
Linking Words
, when criminals do not learn new skills, they cannot find a suitable job after their release, so
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon leads them to repeat their crimes. In a study which has been done in France, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 revealed that just 10% of released villains who could find a job repeated their fault. So
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of deterrent actions not only could revive a new person but
also
Linking Words
 make
society
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 safer place to live.
In
Correct your spelling
I
show examples
 continue with, every human could make a mistake and commit a crime. So it is not ethical to deny
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 second chance. Inmates like every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 have a right to improve their characteristics and
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 meaningful
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to their
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some culprits start to memorize
Quran
Correct article usage
the Quran
show examples
 and try to be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive people for a country.
In addition
Linking Words
, it will be more logical to spend on the training sessions and
such
Linking Words
 disciplinary activities in prisons rather than spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 arresting them frequently and keeping them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison. In a nutshell, prisons should be an impactful place to prepare victims to embrace their future opportunities after release.
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task achievement
Your introduction could be slightly expanded to provide more context on the issue at hand. This would set a clearer framework for your argument.
clarity
There are a few grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that need attention. For example, the word 'villains' is quite strong and 'victims' does not accurately refer to prisoners. Additionally, ensure subject-verb agreement and correct use of prepositions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your arguments are clearly delineated in separate paragraphs. This helps in maintaining clarity and flow.
task response
You have a clear position and have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the study conducted in France.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, and the main points flow well from one to another.
conclusion
Your concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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