IELTS task 2 Some people say that a person's success is as a result of the way he has been brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued by proper study and later become professionals. Without
the
people that a person's Correct article usage
apply
success
depends on how he has been raised by his parents
. I am totally agree
with Change the verb form
totally agree
this
viewpoint and will elaborate it
in the upcoming paragraphs.
Change preposition
on it
Parents
play an important role in instilling the values in their children
. Parents
are typically the first role models for children
, and they are the one
who put the values of hard work, responsibility and preservance from a young age. These values often translate into professional and personal Correct pronoun usage
ones
success
later in life
. To exemplify this
, if parents
taught
their Wrong verb form
teach
children
about hardworking
and Correct word choice
hard work
responsibility
skills from Replace the word
responsible
their
young age Change the word
a
after
Change preposition
apply
that
they will doCorrect pronoun usage
apply
Add an article
a
these
knowledge Correct determiner usage
this
children
often indulge in bad activities and later do not become successful persons in their life
.
Furthermore
, parents
are the only one
who provide economic and financial support to their Correct pronoun usage
ones
children
. They provide them with financial stability and prioritize education from childhood age which help
them not only to have better access to educational opportunities but Change the verb form
helps
also
study in well-developed colleges and have expensive tools to study. For example
, there are some parents
who are not financially rich often
put their Correct word choice
and often
children
in government schools where teachers do not teach them properly often
find it difficult to become successful in their Correct word choice
and often
life
. So, financial stability from Fix the agreement mistake
lives
parents
have
a significant impact on Change the verb form
has
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
success
.
To conclude
, parents
play an important role in their children
Change noun form
children's
life
and are the only Fix the agreement mistake
lives
one
who Correct pronoun usage
ones
brought
up their Wrong verb form
bring
children
and results
in their Correct subject-verb agreement
result
success
.Submitted by sukhmangrewal39 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and that this idea relates clearly to the question. Currently, the essay sometimes has slightly overlapping points.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in some sentences. For example, "I am totally agree" should be "I totally agree". Proofreading for grammar and syntax would improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to add a bit more discussion on counterpoints or different perspectives to provide a balanced view, even if ultimately disagreeing.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could reference specific studies or real-world examples to further illustrate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting up the essay well for further development.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear central idea, contributing to the overall argument effectively.
task achievement
You have correctly identified key aspects of parents' influence, such as instilling values and providing financial support, and expanded on them well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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