Teenagers are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a severe problem in their mental and physical health. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The new
generetion
was born and Correct your spelling
generation
grown
up with the spread of technology Wrong verb form
grew
such
as Linking Words
Use synonyms
computer
, smartphone which are, every Fix the agreement mistake
computers
days
, essential elements of Change to a singular noun
day
the
common life. Because the Correct article usage
apply
develpoment
of chatting Correct your spelling
development
platform
or Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
videocall
Replace the word
video
such
as Linking Words
skype
,Capitalize word
Skype
microsoft
teams,Change the capitalization
Microsoft
zoom
Correct word choice
and zoom
transfered
the majority of social interaction with a monitor, Correct your spelling
transferred
also
the diffusion of Linking Words
social
Add an article
the social
a social
network
created a world more Fix the agreement mistake
networks
connetted
but Correct your spelling
connected
also
so separated without physical interaction.
In my Linking Words
opinion
a person, who Add a comma
opinion,
didn't
have confidence Wrong verb form
doesn't
with
these instruments Change preposition
in
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
Use synonyms
computer
, can't live in Correct article usage
a computer
this
age, Linking Words
Linking Words
furthermore
because a lot of jobs require some Add a comma
furthermore,
computer
work in fact in many companies you must attend Use synonyms
formation
course about Correct article usage
a formation
computer
tasks that are different to the role Use synonyms
who
someone Change the pronoun
whom
have
or to companies where have done different functions.
Change the verb form
has
However
in some Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
case
the use of Add a comma
case,
Use synonyms
computer
is too much, chiefly teenagers spend many hours per day on Fix the agreement mistake
computers
Use synonyms
computer
, Add an article
the computer
a computer
this
Linking Words
cause
a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
pains
. For the posture, and Fix the agreement mistake
pain
also
staying much time opposite a screen cause Linking Words
eyes
illness. Change the noun form
eye
Moreover
physical problems there are Linking Words
also
mental Linking Words
problem
because without interaction in real Fix the agreement mistake
problems
life
you can easily lose contact with reality, and Add a comma
life,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
a lot of teenagers have Add a comma
reason,
psicological
problems.
I think using Correct your spelling
psychological
Use synonyms
computer
is necessary and Add an article
a computer
the computer
so
informative because searchingRephrase
very
a
word or argument on Change preposition
for a
web
is fast and Add an article
the web
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
Linking Words
also
to increase Correct word choice
and also
knownledge
about something Correct your spelling
knowledge
however
there are limits to Linking Words
use
Change the verb form
using
Use synonyms
computer
and must be more restrictive to not hurt health as physical Add an article
a computer
the computer
Linking Words
then
mental.Replace the word
than
Submitted by matteosolito03 on
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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task, but it could be more focused. Try to stay directly on the topic of teenagers' use of computers and its mental and physical health effects to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your main ideas are generally clear, but they sometimes lack depth. Make sure each paragraph develops one main idea with clear explanations and evidence.
coherence cohesion
You have used some linking words to connect your ideas, which is good. However, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion which provide a structure to your essay. This is very important for task achievement.
task achievement
Your discussion covers several aspects of the issue, including social, physical, and mental impacts. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You show an attempt to use various linking words to connect your ideas, which shows your effort in achieving coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.