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Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other . Disscus both views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life #disscus
A number of adults believe that
competition
 is a vital factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 achieving good results.
However
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of humans argue that society should encourage
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
 between
people
 more than
competition
. I strongly support that normal
competition
 in society is a key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success.
Firstly
, at work ambition and motivation aid
people
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 more and more money. Even children
compet
Correct your spelling
compete
competed
 with
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 to take the highest band in their school's exams.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happens because from
young
Correct article usage
a young
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 parents start to teach how to compete and win the game, and do not look at expenses at all. They say that
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more valuable at college rather than friendship or good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
For example
, in nature
Add a comma
,
show examples
a lot of animals
compet
Correct your spelling
compete
 with each other for
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more resources
such
 as food or territory.
This
 is to say that for humans these rules are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic and the same because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 lack of natural resources and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 demand among
people
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
competition
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
toxic
Add an article
a toxic
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 environment at school or in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
This
 is
due to
people
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 to look to others like
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hunters in the forest. So, cooperation is a great tool for
reach
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reaching
show examples
 the maximum potential without any stress or
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
.As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, adults start to conquer
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 and it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 beneficial for
planet
Add an article
the planet
show examples
 and for our civilization. In conclusion, more and more humans suggest that
competition
 is good motivation for some
people
 but other members of society think that cooperation has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 human civilization rather than strong
competition
.
Submitted by olqa.zvereva01 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-developed. More specific examples and evidence to support your points will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Focus on providing a balanced view by discussing the merits and drawbacks of both competition and cooperation in more detail. This will make your argument more comprehensive and nuanced.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structure and reducing grammatical errors. This will help in delivering your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on competition and cooperation, providing a complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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