Some people believe that students of all grades should be required to study physical education in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?
I completely agree that physical
education
classes should be compulsory for all public school
students
in all grades. This
essay will explain why I agree with that.
First,
physical education
courses promote children
’s general health. Researchers have proved that exercise
has maximum benefit if done regularly. For example
, Smith found out that students
who played football every day had better physical and mental health. When students
play football, they use muscles for running and kicking balls. These actions make their muscles stronger. Moreover
, football can help to eliminate stress from school
. When students
play sports
, their body will release hormones that help to reduce stress. Therefore
, exercise
can have both physical and mental health benefits. So, students
should learn the importance of physical fitness and work in their life
at an early age.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Second,
physical education
teaches children
transferable life skills. They will learn about teamwork while
playing team sports
. For example
, when children
play basketball. They need to work in a team and help each other for
their score. At the same time, they will learn about the benefits of healthy competition Change preposition
with
while
there are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
sports
competition between teams. Children
need to accept the final result of the competition. Moreover
, kids will learn about communication skills because they need to communicate with their coach and teachers
while
receiving game guidance or suggestions.
As a result
, children
become good listeners and negotiate well. They will have various soft skills that are transferable in their life when they join group works
in Correct subject-verb agreement
work
school
with their friends. They will have good teamwork, good
communication and can be Correct word choice
and good
acceptable
Replace the word
accepting
in
other ideas when they have a discussion.
Change preposition
of
Finally
, schools have various resources to contribute to their students
. In the part of physical education
training. Teachers
can teach more effectively than children
’s parents. Teachers
usually graduate from physical education
so they recognize and are experts in sports
. They can teach techniques and have suggestions to students
that help to reduce the risk of accidents when students
exercise
. Also
,teachers
will point students
toward new and interesting sports
by
various modules in PE classes. Change preposition
through
Students
will have experience in many types of sports
and know about their interests. Moreover
, schools generally have the appropriate facilities and equipment. Because they have a large area and equipment for sports
such
as gym, basketball court, ping pong table, and
etc. So, Correct word choice
apply
from
Change preposition
apply
school’s
resources Change noun form
school
that
contribute Correct pronoun usage
apply
their
Change preposition
to their
students
to
new experiences and save them from danger Change preposition
apply
by
Change preposition
through
exercise
.
In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above. I believe that students
should be required to study physical education
in school
.Submitted by jeebjib14 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Though the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, ensure to avoid repetition of certain phrases like 'physical education.' You can use synonyms or rephrase sentences to keep it engaging.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the overall flow by using more complex sentence structures and a variety of transitional phrases. This will make the essay more engaging and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos like 'accumulative' instead of 'communicative' and missing spaces after some punctuation marks to improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, making the essay well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good logical structure with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!