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Band 7.5

Some people believe that companies should hire young people. Others say that older experienced staff should be employed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #companies #staff
A large group of individuals consider that younger staff should be hired,
whereas
 others believe that older people are more suitable
due to
 their experience. A balanced approach is the most effective strategy in the hiring process. On the one hand, young employees have better skills in dealing with modern technologies, which is a very important feature for
workers
 in all areas around the world. Mankind observes many changes in various sectors, especially in the business environment. Younger
workers
 cope with these changes better as they are more adaptable compared to older
workers
. Recent studies from Cambridge University show that 78.7% of people in the age group of 18-35 do not face major problems in adapting to different situations and environments.
On the other hand
, older employees have much more experience and
thus
 possess different skills that young employees are unlikely to have until they gain more experience.
Moreover
, older
workers
 have better theoretical and practical knowledge, which
consequently
 gives them greater proficiency.
For instance
, statistics show that 7 out of 10 local businesses prefer to send their older
workers
 to important meetings and events rather than younger ones
due to
 their knowledge and worldview. In conclusion, I think that companies should hire
workers
 from both generations.
Although
 their skills and abilities may differ, each generation has characteristics that are suitable for various positions.
Furthermore
, they can learn from each other, which will positively impact both their personal development and the company's performance, as businesses need a diverse range of talents.
Submitted by alviusman18 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure. To further enhance this, you could add a transitional sentence between the two main body paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
While your main points are well-supported, consider adding more examples or elaborating on the ones provided to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and provides a clear and balanced opinion.
task achievement
You have successfully presented a complete response to the task, addressing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptability
  • Technological proficiency
  • Longevity
  • Turnover
  • Cost-effective
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative approaches
  • Experience
  • Expertise
  • Refined skill sets
  • Mentoring
  • Quality and professionalism
  • Track record
  • Reliability
  • Informed decisions
  • Customer relations
  • Trust
  • Reputation
  • Seasoned professionals
  • Diverse team
  • Dynamic work environment
  • Balanced
  • Teamwork
  • Productivity
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