IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some would argue that
parents
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
taught
Change the verb
teach
show examples
 their offspring how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that
schools
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 an appropriate place to teach them
this
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 giving the role of the moral teacher to the
schools
Use synonyms
 will give short-term results,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have the greatest influence
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
child
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
, school is a great place to teach pupils
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
show examples
 rules of society.
Because
Correct word choice
Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time
to achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
 their goals in school with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of their teacher
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 will navigate them throughout the way, showing passion and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 every normal human
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Nelson Mandela
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 his deep patriotism from school
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
 of his teacher. That gave him motivation for his future action to fight against racial discrimination that
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
occurs
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe and America.
However
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 cannot give enough examples for
children
Use synonyms
 as
occasion
Add an article
an occasion
the occasion
show examples
 that happened to Nelson Mandela mainly because it seems rare in
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 where at least 20 students in one class need to learn simultaneously. I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a great impact on their offspring's life as
children
Use synonyms
 reminiscent
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
 with guardians that protect and navigate them through
complex
Add an article
a complex
show examples
 world. Many
parents
Use synonyms
 can just
passionate
Add a missing verb
be passionate
show examples
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 by reading before bed. Fairy tales
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 Robin Hood and Cinderella can provide feelings of integrity with your
child
Use synonyms
 which the second going to remember for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole life.
For example
Linking Words
, Kazakhstan's national poet
named
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Abay was
rose
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 by his grandmother,who admired him and helped to
inherited
Change the verb
inherit
show examples
the
Change the word
his
show examples
 love for his motherland through classic legends and fairy tales. I believe that would help
children
Use synonyms
 to feel themself important in their sight of view,
furthermore
Linking Words
 becoming one part of society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important place where
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 learn
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
appropriate behaviour,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main people who help
Use synonyms
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loyal
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of society.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout your essay. For example, "parents need to..." instead of "parents needs to...".
examples
Try to explain your examples more clearly and concisely. The example of Nelson Mandela, while interesting, should be more succinct and directly tied to the argument.
cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to help the flow of your essay and make the arguments clearer and more cohesive. Words like 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'However', 'Therefore', etc., can significantly improve coherence.
task response
The essay addresses both views in the prompt, showing an understanding of multiple perspectives.
task response
The use of real-life examples, like Nelson Mandela and Kazakhstan's national poet Abay, adds depth to the argument.
cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: