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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with the date they opened, kilometers of route, and passenger numbers per year in millions

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with the date they opened, kilometers of route, and passenger numbers per year in millions
#data #railway #systems #six #cities #date #kilometers #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions
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The chart shows us information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the six different
cities
Change noun form
cities'
show examples
 underground
railway
 systems.
Overall
, Tokyo
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 one of the highest amount of
passengers
 per year among all six cities.
In
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 London has the longest
route
 and
also
 the oldest one.
On the other hand
, Los Angeles represents
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the youngest underground
railway
 opened. Tokyo has hegemony in
passengers
 number with 1927
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people per year using it.
Moreover
, it has
route
Correct article usage
a route
show examples
 length which 3 times less compared to London's metro. London has the longest
route
 length with 394 kilometres,
also
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
 metro among all six
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
metros and
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
opening
Correct article usage
an opening
show examples
 date
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1863.
On the other hand
, Los Angeles is
considerably
Correct article usage
a considerably
show examples
 small underground
railway
 system with only 28
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of
route
 length and
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the second lowest
passengers
Change the noun form
passenger
show examples
 quantities which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 50
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 it is the youngest
railway
 with
date
Add an article
the date
a date
show examples
 of opening
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2001. Kyoto, compared to its brotherhood city Tokyo has the smallest
passengers
 number as 45
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people. Paris is
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 with the second highest metro with
passengers
 number per year
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1191
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Washington DC has the third youngest underground
railway
 system.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, on the other hand".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, passengers, route, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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