IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

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Some nations argue that governments should fund
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 money on public benefits rather than spending it on
celebrations
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why the government should spend
it
Change the pronoun
its
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 expenditure on public health. Nowadays, around the world numerous countries have their own
celebrations
Use synonyms
 that are held yearly.
Furthermore
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, Funding the
celebrations
Use synonyms
 can be quite expensive and take a huge budget for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one particular event . To give a clear example , every year Indonasia spend over 1 billion US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 for their
extravegent
Correct your spelling
extravagant
 festivals .
As well as
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,
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apply
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 Some governments dedicate
large
Add an article
a large
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 portion of their expenditures
on
Change preposition
to
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 their
celebrations
Use synonyms
 and holidays for people's entertainment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , It is frequently argued by some individuals that The State must focus on offering the best conditions of living for their citizens .
For instance
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, India has spent over 10 billion US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
the
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in the
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last
Linking Words
 10 years despite the poor and harsh ways of living the
indian
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Indian
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 communities are facing and experiencing .
Additionally
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,some state that
with
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apply
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the amount of money that can be spent on
celebrations
Use synonyms
 ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 can be utilized for improving the country's economy.
To conclude
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 ,
i
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I
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 strongly believe that
individuals
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individual
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 health and
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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 of a country should be the
government
Change noun form
government's
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 first priority.

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid vague or general examples. For instance, include statistics or specific instances related to public health improvements due to reallocated funds.
clear comprehensive ideas
It's important to articulate and expand on your key points more comprehensively. This will help in achieving a clearer and more complete response to the essay prompt.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next and that there is a clear, logical progression of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework for your argument.
complete response
You have addressed the main points of the essay prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding public celebrations and public health priorities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • economic boost
  • local economies
  • social cohesion
  • national unity
  • educational value
  • government spending
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • national identity
  • community
  • tourists
  • social harmony
  • historical significance
  • younger generation
What to do next:
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