Public celebrations( such as national days, festivals, etc) are held in most countries. Theses are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things Do you agree or disagree?

Some nations argue that governments should fund
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
money on public benefits rather than spending it on
celebrations
.
This
essay will argue why the government should spend
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
expenditure on public health. Nowadays, around the world numerous countries have their own
celebrations
that are held yearly.
Furthermore
, Funding the
celebrations
can be quite expensive and take a huge budget for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one particular event . To give a clear example , every year Indonasia spend over 1 billion US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
for their
extravegent
Correct your spelling
extravagant
festivals .
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Some governments dedicate
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
portion of their expenditures
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
celebrations
and holidays for people's entertainment.
On the other hand
, It is frequently argued by some individuals that The State must focus on offering the best conditions of living for their citizens .
For instance
, India has spent over 10 billion US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
10 years despite the poor and harsh ways of living the
indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
show examples
communities are facing and experiencing .
Additionally
,some state that
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the amount of money that can be spent on
celebrations
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be utilized for improving the country's economy.
To conclude
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly believe that
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
health and
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
of a country should be the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
first priority.
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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid vague or general examples. For instance, include statistics or specific instances related to public health improvements due to reallocated funds.
clear comprehensive ideas
It's important to articulate and expand on your key points more comprehensively. This will help in achieving a clearer and more complete response to the essay prompt.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next and that there is a clear, logical progression of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework for your argument.
complete response
You have addressed the main points of the essay prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding public celebrations and public health priorities.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • economic boost
  • local economies
  • social cohesion
  • national unity
  • educational value
  • government spending
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • national identity
  • community
  • tourists
  • social harmony
  • historical significance
  • younger generation
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