IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads, To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Roads
 and
railways
 are two basic modes of
transportation
;
however
, it is commonly argued that the government needs to give more attention to
railways
 than
roads
. I completely disagree with
this
 statement, and in
this
 essay, I will give an explanation of the opinion.
To begin
, proponents of railway stations argue that there is a need for more financial support to improve the facilities provided in them.
Whereas
, people are using
roads
 for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 rather than trains, and
this
 is the reason for my disagreement. Nowadays, a majority of the population have their own private vehicles to travel, and they are using private
transportation
 rather than trains.
Therefore
, highways should be given more importance than
railways
, and more money should be spent on them.
Furthermore
, in many countries,
roads
 are underdeveloped, and
this
 results in accidents on a daily basis.
This
 is because street lanes are often getting damaged
due to
 pipeline blasts or floods, and these are used by everyone for
transportation
,
such
 as school buses, cabs,
vans
Correct word choice
and vans
show examples
.
Consequently
,
destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
show examples
 of these lanes causes major accidents and damages vehicle
tires
Change the spelling
tyres
show examples
.
Hence
,
roads
 need more development than railway tracks because the condition of
roads
 is getting worse day by day, leading to disasters.
Moreover
, highways provide us
many
Change preposition
with many
show examples
 facilities that
railways
 cannot offer.
For example
, more convenient
travel
Fix the infinitive
to travel
show examples
 because when driving on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 road, we can take a break and step out to eat,
whereas
, in trains,
this
 feature is not available.
That is
 why
roads
 need more support than
railways
.
To conclude
,
although
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 is an excellent mode of
transportation
,
roads
 provide more facilities, and they are used by many individuals.
Therefore
, the government should spend more on
roads
 rather than
railways
.
Submitted by sajeehulzamans on

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task achievement
Consider including a more balanced view by acknowledging some benefits of railways. This can demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively presenting and summarizing the main argument.
task achievement
The ideas are clear, and the essay communicates the opinion effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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