IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Working is an It is certainly an essential things in our lives. true that kids can achieve the best if they work hard. However, not all the effects of this innovation have been positive, although there are surely some advantages.

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Working is an It is certainly an essential thing in our lives. true that
kids
Use synonyms
 can achieve the best if they
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
However
Linking Words
, not all the effects of
this
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 innovation have been positive,
although
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 there are surely some advantages. There are several drawbacks to telling
kids
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 to
Work
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 hard. Exposing children
in
Change preposition
to
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 difficult
Work
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 Can lead them to the potential of disappointment, thereby,
kids
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 can't be empowered to
work
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 hard again.
For example
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, the result of conducted research illustrates that the race of
kids
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 who do their best,
then
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 face unrealistic expectations are suffered from anxiety and pressure.
As a result
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,
this
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 could affect the belief that they on their health.
Moreover
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, can achieve anything
while
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 Working hard which will make them believe only
Working
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in Working
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 hard, and ignoring other factors that help them to arrive at
the
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apply
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succeed
Replace the word
success
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such
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 as luck, talent and opportunity. In spite of these negative aspects,
however
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, believing in the power of hard
work
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 boosts
the
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apply
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self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
Kids
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encourage
Wrong verb form
are encouraged
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 to develop and improve themself.
for instance
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, in some private schools, students who are required to
work
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 harder than others, students perform better than their classmates.
Thus
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, they can innovate and create wisely.
Furthermore
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, if children used to
work
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 hard, they will probably be
an
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apply
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independent people. They may face any issue and solve it by themself like
while
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 travelling, cleaning •So, they Cooking. their problems. have the responsibility to carry or In conclusion, working hard for children might have both advantages and disadvantages. parents have a vital role in supporting their
kids
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 to be able to face any issue.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be clearer and more effective at introducing the topic and summarizing your points. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your conclusion neatly summarizes your arguments.
supported main points
Your ideas are generally well-supported, but some points could benefit from further elaboration or more specific examples. Make sure each main point is backed up with clear, relevant details.
logical structure
There is a lack of clear logical structure in the essay; some points are not well-organised or clearly connected. Try to use cohesive devices and transitions to make the relationship between ideas clearer.
clear comprehensive ideas
At times, your ideas and arguments are not completely clear. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that every sentence contributes to the main point of the paragraph. This will help create a more coherent and comprehensive argument.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt to address different aspects of the topic, both positive and negative effects of hard work on children.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples, such as the research result illustrating anxiety and pressure, and private schools where students are required to work harder. This adds substance to your arguments.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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