There have been many technological developments in the 20th century, for example in transport, telecommunications and health. What technological development do you think has been the most important? How has it changed people's lives? Have all the changes been positive?
In
this
modern age
the increase of some technological aspects improved different but Add a comma
age,
rilevant
areas Correct your spelling
relevant
such
as healt
, telecommunications and Correct your spelling
health
trasport
. Correct your spelling
transport
Technologies
can simplifie
some issues Correct your spelling
simplify
simplifies
simplified
about
these three fields and I think the spread of Change preposition
in
technologies
let to make care more quickly
and Change the word
quick
efficience
, so I want to talk about some features in medicine that developed thank Correct your spelling
efficient
to
Remove the preposition
apply
technologies
and also
future prospectives
for Replace the word
prospects
this
sector.
In our lives we can see some changes caused by modern
revolution of engineering, Add an article
the modern
for example
Correct article usage
the smartphone
smartphone
, Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
Correct word choice
and computer
computer
are device very important in common life, Fix the agreement mistake
computers
everydays
we must use Correct your spelling
every
its
to Correct pronoun usage
it
comunicate
or to connect with Correct your spelling
communicate
another person
that Fix the agreement mistake
other people
live
far away and we can see him immediately thanks Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
Change preposition
to these
these device
. Change the determiner
this device
these devices
Furthermore
the medical area changed especially with Add a comma
Furthermore,
diagnosis
more exact and Fix the agreement mistake
diagnoses
also
so fast for example
new technologies
create
some important like Wrong verb form
have created
pacemaker
that can resolve complicated cardiac Fix the agreement mistake
pacemakers
diseas
which before it in the majority caused dead. Correct your spelling
diseases
Basically
Add a comma
Basically,
also
computer
or digital storage improved healthcare because for a doctor or a nurse is very simple Fix the agreement mistake
computers
verifing
Wrong verb form
to verify
patient's
clinical life and Correct article usage
a patient's
also
they can add new medical exam
easily.
Another example Fix the agreement mistake
exams
for
how Change preposition
of
technologies
make better this
sector is the Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
pandemy
because a lot of Correct your spelling
pandemic
pandemia
scientist
worked to find a drug that Change to a plural noun
scientists
can
eliminate coronavirus and quickly in six months they created vaccines with Wrong verb form
could
a
new Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
technologies
and
called Correct word choice
apply
its
RNA vaccines that Correct pronoun usage
apply
was
a good method to not let Change the verb form
were
diffution
of virus and its worked perfectly.
In Correct your spelling
diffusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclution
I explain that technological developments have Add a comma
conclution,
positive
changed some aspects in different areas in the Change the word
positively
last
period and I want to underline how our lives improved especially in Correct your spelling
Health
Healt
sector because is the most important in the world and now we must invest much to create medicine or medical device always better and in future remove all kind of Correct your spelling
the health
diseas
Correct your spelling
disease
Submitted by matteosolito03 on
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Organization
While your essay presents relevant points regarding the technological developments in medicine, it lacks clear organization and tends to drift between ideas. Focus on structuring your essay with clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a single point or example.
Details and Examples
Consider elaborating more on how exactly these technological advancements have specifically impacted people's lives. Providing concrete examples and detailing their significance will enhance your argument.
Grammar and Spelling
There are several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of the essay. Pay close attention to sentence construction, punctuation, and spelling to improve clarity.
Vocabulary and Sentence Structure
Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to better capture the reader's attention and demonstrate a higher level of proficiency in English.
Relevance
You have identified the specific technological advancements in the medical field which are relevant to the topic.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a coherent start and finish to your essay.
Relevant Example
Your discussion of the COVID-19 pandemic is timely and relevant, demonstrating an understanding of current events.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.