You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing to request you to give me information about obtaining a loan to start a
business
.
I want to start a business
in the cybersports sphere and expand it if I can. I mean computer gaming clubs, which are very popular now. I have a completed business
plan and I will send it to you by email or other means if you need.
I agreed to rent some rooms, calculated
the necessary Correct word choice
and calculated
devicesand
transportation costs. To do Correct your spelling
devices and
for
Change preposition
apply
this
, I need an amount of ten thousand dollars. I thought that this
would be enough to start formy
own Correct your spelling
for my
my
business
and work for one year.
Taking into account your interest on a loan, I will be able to return your money within five years. If my work will be
successful, Wrong verb form
is
then
I will return the money earlier.
I look forward to receiving your response.
Best regards,
Vladimir BelikSubmitted by samedovateacher on
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task achievement
Though your response is mostly complete, providing more specifics and clarity in the business plan could enhance it further. Clearly separate paragraphs to ensure each idea stands out.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'devicesand' and 'formy.' Keeping language clear and mistakes minimal improves readability.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a formal tone throughout, which is appropriate for a communication with a bank.
logical structure
The letter has a clear beginning, body, and end, making it easy to follow.
complete response
The business idea is well-explained and fits the current market trend, which adds authenticity and relevance to your request.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite