You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time #addresses

Dear Sir/Madam I am writing to request you to give me information about obtaining a loan to start a

business

. I want to start a

business

in the cybersports sphere and expand it if I can. I mean computer gaming clubs, which are very popular now. I have a completed

business

plan and I will send it to you by email or other means if you need. I agreed to rent some rooms,

calculated

Correct word choice

and calculated

show examples

the necessary

devicesand

Correct your spelling

devices and

transportation costs. To do

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

, I need an amount of ten thousand dollars. I thought that

this

would be enough to start

formy

Correct your spelling

for my

own

business

and work for one year. Taking into account your interest on a loan, I will be able to return your money within five years. If my work

will be

Wrong verb form

show examples

successful,

then

I will return the money earlier. I look forward to receiving your response. Best regards, Vladimir Belik

Submitted by samedovateacher on Thu Aug 29 2024

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task achievement

Though your response is mostly complete, providing more specifics and clarity in the business plan could enhance it further. Clearly separate paragraphs to ensure each idea stands out.

coherence and cohesion

Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'devicesand' and 'formy.' Keeping language clear and mistakes minimal improves readability.

suitable writing tone

The letter maintains a formal tone throughout, which is appropriate for a communication with a bank.

logical structure

The letter has a clear beginning, body, and end, making it easy to follow.

complete response

The business idea is well-explained and fits the current market trend, which adds authenticity and relevance to your request.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

151 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

business loan
finance
capital
entrepreneur
startup
investment
repayment period
repayment schedule
principal amount
interest rate
financial assistance
business plan
profit potential
market analysis
industry opportunities

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Globalizaion is creating a world with a single culture and destroying national identity in the process. To what extent do you agree or disagree

ome people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

For centuries, important parts of education have remained, such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made us a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree?