The following two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 word

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The two graphs

illustrates

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illustrate

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the conclusion of a study into the most popular free time activities among grown-ups in Europe, between two different years,1985 and 1995.

Overall

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, we observed that in 1985 watching TV had the greatest proportion,

while

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in 1995 playing computer games occupied the biggest part.

Furthermore

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, other activities had the lowest percentage in both years.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a new action was found in 1995, which was playing computer games. On closer examination, watching TV was just around

Use synonyms

one third

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one-third

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in 1985 and

droped

Correct your spelling

dropped

by 2% in the next 10 years reaching up to

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one

Add a hyphen

one-third

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third,

Linking Words

moreover

Linking Words

, talking with

family

Add an article

a family

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also

Linking Words

declined by 11% in 1995 reaching

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apply

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7%, and eating

out side

Correct your spelling

outside

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had

also

Linking Words

decreased significantly from, just below

one

Use synonyms

quarter to 8%.

In addition

Linking Words

, other activities

also

Linking Words

fall

Wrong verb form

fell

show examples

by 4% in 1995 from 6% in 1985.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, talking with friends increased by 5% in 1995 reaching up to more than

one

Use synonyms

quarter.

Finally

Linking Words

, in 1995 playing computer games reached up to 27%.

Submitted by hazarbakhit on Fri Aug 30 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words one with synonyms.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

168 words

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