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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that giving children a certain amount of money every week will help them have fewer financial problems in the future . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #amount #money #week #future
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It is often believed that it is easier for
children
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 to manage financial problems when they are given a certain amount of
money
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 each week. I partially agree with
this
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, for they are more likely to calculate their budget regardless of the potential risk of wasting it on unnecessary goods. On the one hand, those who are provided with
money
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 each week are better able to manage their saving so as not to waste it.
In other words
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, they are encouraged to calculate their spending including tax with more experiences of shopping, which makes
children
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 more serious about their transactions.
For instance
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, some
children
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 even keep records of their spending so they can have a clearer sense of
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
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 that each item costs, encouraging them to make plans ahead of their shopping so they will not get confused having no
money
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.
Consequently
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,
children
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 with a regular income tend to spend
money
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 more strategically to avoid
such
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 an unfortunate situation.
On the other hand
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, providing a certain amount of
money
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 to
children
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 may promote unnecessary shopping
due to
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 increasing savings. Indeed, they tend to regard
money
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 as less valuable as they receive it regularly, which discourages them from considering the necessity of products in their lives.
For example
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, many
children
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 often spend
money
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 on new items or tools for their online games, only to find them useless.
Thus
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, their immaturity causes more trouble as they are often not careful and spend over their budgets, which they would regret later. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that giving
money
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 to
children
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 weekly makes it easier for them to manage it in their later lives since they are more encouraged to be responsible for their purchases.
However
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, it often causes more problems
due to
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 the habit of spending
money
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 that exceeds their budget.
Submitted by mizuho on

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coherence cohesion
While the main points are clear and supported by examples, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect clarity. Consider reviewing your work for these errors to improve coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Sometimes the arguments could benefit from further development to enhance depth. Expanding on certain points with more detailed examples or explanations could make your ideas even stronger.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument presented.
supported main points
Each paragraph has a clear main point which is supported by specific examples, helping to illustrate the ideas effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • weekly allowances
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • financial management
  • spending choices
  • future goals
  • experiential learning
  • trial and error
  • funds
  • independence
  • decision making
  • delayed gratification
  • debt
  • financial woes
  • financial habits
  • overspending
  • undervaluing money
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