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Band 6.5

TASK-2 Being a celebrity-such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#task- #celebrity-such #film #star #sports #personality-brings #celebrity
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Some
people
 argue that celebrities or sports have advantages and disadvantages.
This
 is because they could inspire
people
 to pursue their careers and follow their
dreams
.
On the other hand
, they could bring harm to
people
due to
 their luxurious lifestyle that
people
 cannot easily follow. I will explain
this
 statement in the next paragraphs. So many public figures,
such
 as movie stars or sports players, have become inspirations for young
people
 to build their
dreams
. One of the reasons is they encourage future generations to work on their
dreams
 to achieve success in the future.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo, the biggest football player in the world, started his professional career when he was 10 years old. Looking at his career since he was young, will help new generations look at his history and start their passion for gaining success.
However
, being popular in the world
also
 brings some disadvantages to
people
 who see it, especially nowadays the internet makes popular
people
 share their extravaganza private lives on social media. Showing their luxurious life will encourage their followers to pursue the same lifestyle, which will lead to overconsuming and wasting money. Normal citizens will push themselves to spend for stuff that they barely can afford.
As a result
, it can bring harm rather than benefit for following their idol lifestyles. In conclusion, famous movie stars or sports celebrities can bring benefits and problems for
people
 who like them. They can be
such
 an inspiration for young generations to work on their
dreams
,
while
 they can cause problems
due to
 their expensive lifestyles that
people
 can not afford to follow.
Submitted by caroot on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay logically progresses from one idea to the next, but you could enhance the logical structure by making your arguments more interconnected. Consider using transition words to guide the reader smoothly through your points.
task achievement
For better task achievement, make sure that each paragraph thoroughly addresses a single idea before moving on to another. This will help to clearly present your points, making your argument stronger and more cohesive.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and cover all aspects of the task, but try to delve deeper into each example to provide more comprehensive support for your arguments. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and analysis of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for your discussion, as well as a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.
relevant specific examples
You have supported your arguments with relevant examples, such as the reference to Cristiano Ronaldo, which adds weight to your points and makes your essay more convincing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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