IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You exercise regularly and have been a member of many different gyms. Recently you moved into a new neighbourhood and joined a new gym. You have noticed people at this gym do not bother to wipe down the machines after use and often leave dirty towels on the benches in the changing rooms. Write to Mr Koto, the manager. In your letter: Explain who you are Describe the problem exactly Make suggestions to improve the gym

#exercise #member #gyms #neighbourhood #gym #people #machines #towels #benches #rooms #mr #koto #manager #suggestions
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Dear Mr Koto I am writing regarding an ignored issue in your gym located at 12 Barrie Street, Brampton. I am a well-renowned fitness instructor in Toronto and famous for having one million subscribers on
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
 media platform called
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
. After moving to a new
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, I joined your gym with an Elite membership. Surprisingly, in the past few days, I have noticed many people do not sanitize or use disinfectant after using any of the machines.
In addition
, after viewing the dirty towels left over in the changing rooms, it felt very unhygienic and
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 cause serious medical conditions.
Moreover
, I would like to make some suggestions for you.
Firstly
, send an email to all the members regarding hygiene methods and make it compulsory for everyone to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Secondly
, announce a fine for those who do not maintain the cleanliness of the gym.
Lastly
, give them
a proper knowledge
Remove the article
proper knowledge
a piece of proper knowledge
show examples
 about germ-free
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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. I am looking forward to hearing from your side. Yours Sincerely Pal
Submitted by tripatpadda986 on

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task achievement
Provide a little more detail about your role as a fitness instructor to make it more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make a clearer distinction between the introduction, problem description, and suggestions by adding appropriate connectors or paragraph breaks.
coherence and cohesion
The letter opens and closes with appropriate formal greetings and closings.
task achievement
The letter satisfactorily addresses all parts of the task, including who you are, describing the problem, and making suggestions.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, making the letter easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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