Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualication. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are university
students
who are willing to acquire a wide range of academic knowledge, which are different from their main subjects
On the contrary
, others contend that concentrating students
' time on their main subject is crucial. Although
it is admittedly important to focus on their primary subject to streamline their skills, I firmly believe that comprehending other subjects
would diversify students
' skills and personalities.
One of the primary purposes to study
at the Change preposition
of studying
university-level
is to obtain specific skills and understanding in a field each student Correct your spelling
university level
want
to pursue his/her careerCorrect subject-verb agreement
wants
in
. Change preposition
apply
That is
to say, becoming a professional is a cardinal facet of higher education. For instance
, some students
choose to study finance and economics because they aspire to work in fields, such
as investment banking and private equity. Nonetheless
, it is worth stating that people who merely focus on their studies often lack a
common sense and Correct article usage
apply
basic
understanding of the world, and those people tend not to succeed in the field.
Some Correct article usage
a basic
students
are keen to study other subjects
whilst continuing their primary field because it develops a diverse understanding of the environment encompassing them. Working in a company often entails the
interaction with scores of people with different backgrounds, and basic knowledge of other academic fields is likely to help individuals to establish robust connections. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, many universities in the U.S. and Europe have liberal-arts
courses for Correct your spelling
liberal arts
this
particular reason. Hence
, I declare that studying other subjects
is highly beneficial for students
.
In conclusion, I argue that diversifying students
' interests and knowledges
is paramount for their success. Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
On the other hand
, I do not think that merely focusing on primary subjects
makes students
successful after graduating the university.Submitted by 20dm056e on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be improved by clearly aligning each paragraph with specific points. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas in the essay are very good, but the linkage between paragraphs can be improved. Use transition phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. For example, use 'However,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In addition,' to better connect contrasting or supporting ideas.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments made. The example given about finance students is good, but more similar examples related to other fields would strengthen the argument further.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, providing balanced views and a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps in understanding the writer's stance from the beginning and end.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and provides relevant examples and arguments, making the response complete and substantial.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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