Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
With the
developement
of technology, Correct your spelling
development
smartphones
bring a huge usage area on
our lives. Change preposition
in
While
parents
use smartphones
often, children
aslo
influence them. Some Correct your spelling
also
parents
see handys
as a good way to keep their Correct your spelling
handy
children
calm, which is a huge mistake. Nowadays many of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
spent
their hours with Wrong verb form
spend
smartphones
. There are major negative consequences of vastly
usage of Change the adverb
vast
handys
, which is unsocial kids and lack of quality Correct your spelling
hands
handy
knowledges
.
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
Smartphones
lead to learning problem
in Fix the agreement mistake
problems
children
.First
years of Correct article usage
The first
lives
is Fix the agreement mistake
life
greatest
Change the article
the greatest
time
to enhance the indivdual’s
Correct your spelling
individual’s
charachter
and knowledge about daily life or even about moral rules. Pupils should observe Correct your spelling
character
real
world Correct article usage
the real
instead
of online
world. When Add an article
the online
day
bring
Verb problem
spend
their
most of Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
Change the word
their
time
online in a day
, they learn what they see in
Change preposition
on
socail
media, which can cause learning Correct your spelling
social
manupilative
information or Correct your spelling
manipulative
manipulatives
memorize
problems. Wrong verb form
memorising
Parents
should take care of their children
,not only restrict the online hours but also
spend quality time
with their childrens
.
Correct your spelling
children
Moreover
, one of the greatest problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
about
Change preposition
with
high
rate of smartphone Add an article
the high
using
is asocial kids. Replace the word
use
Day
by day
online devices getting childrens
comfort zones. When they are trying the socialize in real life it might Change noun form
children's
would
lead to feeling anxiety.Depending on the Remove a modal verb
apply
last
researchs
it is observed that 60% of the Correct your spelling
research
children
have problems with make
new friends.
In conclusion, high amount of rates spending Change the verb form
making
time
with mobilephones
has negative effects Correct your spelling
mobile phones
to
Change preposition
on
the
kids. If Correct article usage
apply
parents
want to raise good educated
and social Correct word choice
well-educated
childrens
, they should Correct your spelling
children
pretend
their Verb problem
protect
cildrens
from Correct your spelling
children
children's
negative
effects of smart devices.Correct article usage
the negative
Submitted by xxxx17
on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas are logically connected using appropriate linking words and phrases. For instance, words like 'however,' 'moreover,' 'therefore,' and 'on the other hand' can help in guiding the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
While the essay does respond to the task, aim to provide more comprehensive ideas and relevant specific examples. Discussing specific scenarios or studies could help substantiate your points. For instance, stating a specific example of how excessive smartphone usage affected a particular child's social skills or education would strengthen your argument.
language
There are several grammar and vocabulary errors that hinder readability. Focus on grammatical consistency, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word usage. For example, 'knowledge' instead of 'knowledges,' and 'development' instead of 'developement.'
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question by discussing the reasons why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
The writer attempted to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in conveying their main points clearly.
task achievement
The writer raises valid concerns about the consequences of excessive smartphone use among children, such as social issues and learning problems.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.