IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. Discuss the benefits of this development and problems associated with it.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off after graduating from high school could be a helpful step for many students.
However
Linking Words
, others
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 determined
that is
Linking Words
 phenomenon holds
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
numerous drawbacks. Personally, I am convinced that the
Use synonyms
one
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 break is beneficial for several pupils.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many families experience harsh circumstances,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to heavy financial burdens. Having a
year
Use synonyms
 off might help them in giving a suitable amount of time to work and be capable
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
afford
Verb problem
paying
show examples
 the university fees.
For instance
Linking Words
, the vast majority of Indian adolescents go outside searching for careers
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
directly after graduation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, research conducted by The
Minestry
Correct your spelling
Ministry
 of Education in India reveals that 85% of adults work in majors different from what they studied in college.
This
Linking Words
 resulted in encouraging more people to earn a living and secure a job rather than studying.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it is thought to be a great opportunity to develop
one
Use synonyms
's
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 skills and gain experience from an alternative source. Despite all these pros, the
Use synonyms
one
Add a hyphen
one-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 rest could lead to detrimental consequences.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the university seat could be occupied,
therefore
Linking Words
, the individual would not be able to study in the preferred major.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if retired and still not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 the required amount of money consequences in
unstable
Correct article usage
an unstable
show examples
 routine, which in turn impacts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as causing anxiety.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 standards play a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychological health. It could erode
one
Use synonyms
's confidence by shaming, not
acceptable
Replace the word
accepting
show examples
 the marriage from, or not employing him/him. In conclusion, taking a
year
Use synonyms
 off points out negative and positive outcomes. In many cases,
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 are forced to take
this
Linking Words
 step
due to
Linking Words
 their circumstances. In my opinion, I would take a break from studying because of the pressure
pre graduates
Add a hyphen
pre-graduates
show examples
 face in high school.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic and covers both the benefits and problems associated with a gap year. However, to achieve a higher score, it is advisable to provide more specific examples and develop your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on integrating your ideas more smoothly. Some transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be more logical and fluid. Additionally, make sure each paragraph is focused on a single main point with clear supporting details.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task fully, discussing both benefits and problems associated with taking a gap year.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: