In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #students #university #city #home

There is a discussion that living in another

city

while

studying at a university brings positive or negative impacts on

students

. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views on the advantages and disadvantages of

this

topic, and give my point of view. On the one hand, there are some

drawsback

Correct your spelling

drawbacks

drawback

that

students

will face when they leave their family and move to another

city

for studying.

Firstly

, they have to pay an extra cost for a lot of expenses

such

as house

rental

Fix the agreement mistake

rentals

show examples

, food, transportation, etc. when living far away from their family. Either these amounts are provided by their parents or they have to work and earn by themselves, it is still the

occured

Verb problem

apply

show examples

money they have to pay.

This

leads to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

further

pressure

besides

their study programs at school.

For instance

, some

students

need to find a part-time job to earn more money to sustain their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, not only for the tuition fee but

also

for other expenses.

Secondly

, understanding and adapting to the new environment,

building

Correct word choice

and building

show examples

new

circle

Fix the agreement mistake

circles

show examples

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

also

are challenges that they need to

pass

Verb problem

overcome

show examples

. To some

introvert

Replace the word

introverted

show examples

people, it is a

barier

Correct your spelling

barrier

since they have to make new friends, change

the

Change the word

their

show examples

mindset,

practice

Correct word choice

and practice

show examples

to survive well in a new

city

. At the

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

stages when they are building up, isolation feeling can not

avoid

Wrong verb form

be avoided

show examples

. On another hand, staying away from family could bring good opportunities for them to expand their comfort zone, meet new people,

get

Correct word choice

and get

show examples

new experiences. Via these chances, they can understand themselves better - one of the most important things that can help them

success

Replace the word

succeed

show examples

in the future.

Besides

, the more people they meet, the more treasure trove of knowledge they get.

Moreover

this

is a great chance for

students

to live independently without

Change the verb form

being

show examples

influenced by relatives. They can practice to analyse the issues they are facing in order to make their own decisions.

This

is good for them in the future thanks to building up their logical thinking and reinforcing their perspectives.

Although

moving to another

city

for

Change preposition

show examples

study still has pros and cons, I believe that if a student

face

Change the verb form

faces

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

difficulties but can manage to overcome them, it will bring positive impacts

for

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show examples

their life in the long run because indenpence,

logical

Correct word choice

and logical

show examples

thinking are key characteristics that bring success to a person.

Submitted by truchuyenpham on Fri Aug 30 2024

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task achievement

You need to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to clearly illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

Improve paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more smoothly. Consider using more linking words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly lays out what will be discussed in the body paragraphs. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and restate your position.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures to improve readability and comprehension.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a balanced approach by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion ties back to the main topic and provides a clear final opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

388 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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It is widely agreed that a high salary should be a priority when deciding on a job, while some people also agree that enjoying the job itself is important. In the following paragraph, we will discuss both perspectives before concluding it.