In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a discussion that living in another
city
while
studying at a university brings positive or negative impacts on
students
. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views on the advantages and disadvantages of
this
topic, and give my point of view. On the one hand, there are some
drawsback
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
drawback
that
students
will face when they leave their family and move to another
city
for studying.
Firstly
, they have to pay an extra cost for a lot of expenses
such
as house
rental
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rentals
show examples
, food, transportation, etc. when living far away from their family. Either these amounts are provided by their parents or they have to work and earn by themselves, it is still the
occured
Verb problem
apply
show examples
money they have to pay.
This
leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
pressure
besides
their study programs at school.
For instance
, some
students
need to find a part-time job to earn more money to sustain their
life
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lives
show examples
, not only for the tuition fee but
also
for other expenses.
Secondly
, understanding and adapting to the new environment,
building
Correct word choice
and building
show examples
new
circle
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circles
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of
relationship
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relationships
show examples
also
are challenges that they need to
pass
Verb problem
overcome
show examples
. To some
introvert
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introverted
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people, it is a
barier
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barrier
since they have to make new friends, change
the
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their
show examples
mindset,
practice
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and practice
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to survive well in a new
city
. At the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
stages when they are building up, isolation feeling can not
avoid
Wrong verb form
be avoided
show examples
. On another hand, staying away from family could bring good opportunities for them to expand their comfort zone, meet new people,
get
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and get
show examples
new experiences. Via these chances, they can understand themselves better - one of the most important things that can help them
success
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succeed
show examples
in the future.
Besides
, the more people they meet, the more treasure trove of knowledge they get.
Moreover
,
this
is a great chance for
students
to live independently without
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
influenced by relatives. They can practice to analyse the issues they are facing in order to make their own decisions.
This
is good for them in the future thanks to building up their logical thinking and reinforcing their perspectives.
Although
moving to another
city
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
study still has pros and cons, I believe that if a student
face
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faces
show examples
the
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apply
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difficulties but can manage to overcome them, it will bring positive impacts
for
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on
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their life in the long run because indenpence,
logical
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and logical
show examples
thinking are key characteristics that bring success to a person.
Submitted by truchuyenpham on

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task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more smoothly. Consider using more linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly lays out what will be discussed in the body paragraphs. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and varied sentence structures to improve readability and comprehension.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a balanced approach by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion ties back to the main topic and provides a clear final opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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