IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #time #education #years
Education should be the basic priority for the younger generation,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology is evolving the younger generation is making more and more progress in every
aspect
 of life.
Eduction
Correct your spelling
Education
show examples
 provides
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
 necessity to every youth who requires to know more in every
aspect
 of the
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
.
Nonetheless
,
students
 dropping out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
university
 willingly without any valid reason
also
 reduces their capability to
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
 in other areas as well. In
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 curriculum,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 not only includes various fields of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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study but
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
the
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apply
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training and support to
students
 in
atheletic
Correct your spelling
athletic
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 as well. Governments around the world do provide basic training in
atheletics
Correct your spelling
athletics
 so that
students
 can pursue their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
university
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 they
also
 provide grants to less fortunate
students
 to
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 some lesser pressure on their financial status
too
Rephrase
apply
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.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are instances or exceptions where bright mind
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
dropout
Correct your spelling
drop out
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
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university
 to pursue their interest or hobbies.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 mark zuckerber a dropout from
stanford
Change the capitalization
Stanford
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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built
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
billion dollar
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billion-dollar
show examples
 social media platform that generates a lot of
revenues
Fix the agreement mistake
revenue
show examples
.
Firstly
 these individuals have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 sense of learning and they are aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their passion. Universities are there to provide basic support
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone in one
aspect
 of life which drives
students
 forward. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion an individual should pursue their career in the area of interest,
universites
Correct your spelling
Universities
 and
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 provide
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 platform
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support not only financially but
also
 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
aspect
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by debasistripathy.india on

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coherence cohesion
Try to create a more structured outline for your essay. Start with an introduction that clearly states your position, followed by body paragraphs that each address a specific point, and conclude by summarizing your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. Use specific examples and elaborate on your points to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence construction. Simple errors can distract from your argument and lower the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve your transitions between sentences and paragraphs to make the flow of ideas smoother. This will help in maintaining logical structure.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and you present both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced perspective by acknowledging exceptions and providing specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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