IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are working from home rather than at the workplaces. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #home #workplaces #workers #families #stress
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Many people nowadays choose to work at
home
 rather than in the facility. Few individuals consider working from
home
 beneficial for employees and the household,
however
, some disagree. I believe working from
home
 is better because they can spend more
time
 with their family.
However
, working at the workplace has a higher chance of personal development.
Firstly
, let us discuss what are the benefits of working from
home
 to the individual and their family members.
In particular
, one of the reasons why it is beneficial is because they can spend
time
 with their family especially if they have kids. As the saying goes, only your kids will remember the
time
 you came
home
 late.
Time
 is the most precious one, once it's gone we can't take it back. Another reason is, that you don't need to wake up too early to catch the bus or any means of transportation, all you need to do is just open your computer.
On the other hand
, if an individual seeks personal development, working from
home
 is a disadvantage to him because you don't have the chance to meet different kinds of people every day. Though you can still catch up to them but not in person and you will never really know their true intentions. To sum it up, working from
home
 is best for individuals who have families or those who are family-oriented, and working at workplaces would be the choice for people who seek personal development. Neither
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
 from
home
or
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
 at the workplace, I think that working from
home
 is far more beneficial
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 always.
Submitted by sandiego_anne on

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task response
The introduction is adequate but could be more elaborate to provide a clearer outline of the essay's structure. Try to include more specific statements that preview the main points.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay flows relatively well, there are instances where the argument could be developed further. For example, expand on how working from home can benefit employees beyond just spending time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with grammatical consistency and word choice, as some sentences can be confusing. For instance, 'neither woking from home or at the workplace' should be 'neither working from home nor at the workplace.'
task response
You have effectively provided both sides of the argument, which gives a balanced view of the topic.
task response
The essay contains some specific examples, such as spending time with family and avoiding daily commutes, which support your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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