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Band 4.5

Some people think that hosting an international sport event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #sport #event #country
Certain people contend that organising an international
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 competition is beneficial for the state,
whereas
 others believe it is not.
Although
 hosting those tournaments can be financially challenging for the government, I strongly think that those events eventually
propell
Correct your spelling
propel
propelled
 the economy and amplify its soft power. One of the primary drawbacks of hosting a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 event is the cost it entails. A large-scale competition necessitates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governmental investment into scores of accommodations, means of transportation, and other cardinal facets, which assuredly costs a lot.
Hence
, people demand the government
instead
 to allocate its funds for the sake of
community
Add an article
the community
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,
such
 as healthcare and national defence.
Nonetheless
, the citizens will experience the benefit of the event once it starts
due to
 the influx of tourists, which significantly stimulates the economy. Internationally renowned
sport
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sports
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 competitions inevitably attract attention from the world.
That is
 to say, events play a crucial role in advertising the country by adding cultural features and organising
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 neatly.
For instance
, the 2014 World Cup held in Brazil
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exerted a significant influence
upon
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on
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 the state; the competition greatly
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
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 the soft power of Brazil and its
repulation
Correct your spelling
reputation
regulation
relation
.
Hence
, I declare that there is a considerable benefit
of
Change preposition
to
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 hosting
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 tournaments. In conclusion, I
asserts
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assert
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 that the
extra governmental
Add a hyphen
extra-governmental
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 expenditure when hosting international competitions can later contribute to the economy by attracting foreign visitors.
Also
, those events can amplify the soft power of the hosting nation by improving
the
Change the word
its
show examples
repulation
Correct your spelling
reputation
regulation
.
Submitted by 20dm056e on

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task response
Ensure to address both views in a balanced way. Try to give equal weight to the benefits and drawbacks to show comprehensive understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical sequence of ideas. Some transitions between paragraphs can be smoother.
task response
The introduction clearly states both viewpoints and the opinion of the writer, setting up a clear framework for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph contains a clear main idea that is supported with explanations and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and clearly restates the writer's opinion. This creates a clear ending for the argument presented.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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