Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?
The world is currently changing in a very fast phase , especially in technology departments. One of the examples is a smartphone. It becomes an obligation for everyone to have one of them. Even, a child can spend hours every day on it.
That is
why, it has become very popular among children too; since the technologies are distributed well to everyone without exceptions. In my view, Linking Words
this
is a good thing, Linking Words
hence
young generations will know more about technologies earlier and they can utilize it to help their study and self-development.
Linking Words
To begin
with, none of us can finish our work without a smartphone. In fact, most schools force them to buy it; since most of the activities will need access to it. Linking Words
Thus
, they will depend on those gadgets every day and live with them. Linking Words
Nonetheless
, most of them can spend hours daily. Linking Words
Moreover
, Linking Words
this
high-tech thing helps parents monitor their loved ones and easier to communicate with them.
To be honest, Linking Words
this
phenomenon is awesome in my opinion; Linking Words
hence
young generation can operate it early and make their lives easier. Linking Words
On the other hand
, the young generation will be addicted to it. Linking Words
This
situation has led to the destruction of their future lives, resulting in losing their responsibilities for their school tasks and becoming ignorant towards their surroundings.
In conclusion, smartphones are very common among children nowadays; Linking Words
consequently
, their activities rely on them. So, some of them will stick to it for long periods of time every day. From my point of view, Linking Words
this
habit is good for them to know earlier to assist their needs. Parents can teach their beloved ones; whenever they use the gadgets.Linking Words
Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could mention particular studies or instances where smartphones have either positively or negatively impacted children.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that should be corrected. For example, 'changing in a very fast phase' should be 'changing at a very fast pace.' Also, ensure that the noun phrases are consistent and clear.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clearer separation between your arguments for and against smartphone usage by children. This will enhance the logical structure and make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good frame for your essay. This helps guide the reader through your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task prompt by discussing why children spend hours on their smartphones and your opinion on whether this is positive or negative.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.