IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Due to the availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low- quality diets. What problems can this cause? What can governments do to resolve these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #availability #food #people #low- #quality #diets #governments
In the present day, some living in the fast pace of life prefer poor-nutrient fast
foods
 because
Change preposition
of availabity
show examples
availabity
Correct your spelling
availability
 and
convinence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 it provides, which has potential negative impacts. In
this
 essay, these several drawbacks and the solution will be discussed in detail.
To begin
 with, there are many negative
consequence
Change to a plural noun
consequences
show examples
 associated with fast
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. One of the most serious issues is health problems,
due to
 lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
adequated
Replace the word
adequate
show examples
 nutrients with rich
oil
Correct your spelling
soil
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 and large amounts of
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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 it composed, serving many health issues
such
 as weight gain, obesity, dyslipidemia, hypertension and
diabetes
. These multi-diseases can cause substantial
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
 including
diabetes
 foot, which can
consequently
 lead to
amputaion
Correct your spelling
amputation
amputations
 in
diabetes
, myocardial or heart attack from
prolong
Wrong verb form
prolonged
show examples
 high cholesterol
level
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levels
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 in dyslipid. Leading to an increase in medical expenditures and a decrease
lifespan
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in lifespan
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.
Secondly
,
with
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apply
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the
expanding
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expansion
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 of fast
foods
 in the
ctities
Correct your spelling
cities
 has
an negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative effect
negative effects
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 on local traditional
foods
, leading to
Correct article usage
the disappearing
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disappearing
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disappearance
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 of
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
 high nutrient
food
 and minimizing
diverse
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the diversity
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 of
food
.
Additionally
,
individual
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individuals
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 who
comfortable
Add a missing verb
are comfortable
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 with fast
food
 tend to less
self cooking
Add a hyphen
self-cooking
show examples
, resulting in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of survival skills. To counter
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 issues,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should take
a
Remove the article
apply
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responsibility by
implement
Change the verb form
implementing
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
regulation
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regulations
show examples
 on fast
food
 companies
such
 as KFC, Burgerking, Pizza company, and
Mcdonal
Correct your spelling
McDonald
. By limiting
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
store
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stores
show examples
 per area and
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the mininum
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mininum
Correct your spelling
minimum
nutrient
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nutrients
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its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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serve
Wrong verb form
served
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 per
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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portion.
Moreover
, promoting self-awareness about consuming fast
food
 that causes many health problems by advertising on
billboard
Fix the agreement mistake
billboards
show examples
 and social media. In conclusion, fast
foods
 bring many
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
such
 as
diabetes
, hypertension, weight gain,
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in local
foods
, and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 survival skills.
However
, with the efficent regulation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fast
food
 companies and
Correct article usage
the promoting
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promoting
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promotion
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self-awareness
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of self-awareness
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 about
adverse
Correct article usage
the adverse
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 effects of fast
food
 by
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
, people could have
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and sustainable well-being.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph clearly supports the essay's main argument. Strengthen the main points with more specific and detailed explanations.
task achievement
Provide relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. They can help clarify and reinforce the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: identifying problems caused by fast food and suggesting actions that governments can take.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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