IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think we need to give aid to all poor countries. Others, however, argue that we should not give international aid to countries with corruption in their system. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion.

#people #aid #countries #corruption #system
It has been argued by some, that developed
countries
 should give a hand to all developing
countries
, who need help and financial
supprt
Correct your spelling
support
.
In
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On
show examples
 the contrary, others reject the concept of helping
countries
 which
are suffer
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are suffering
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of
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from
show examples
corrupted
Add an article
a corrupted
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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.
This
 essay will present my personal opinion regarding both points of view.
To commence
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Commence
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 with the first opinion
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opine
Correct subject-verb agreement
opines
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 that developed nations should give a hand to
whomever
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whoever
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need
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needs
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 it, regardless of any internal
corruptions
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corruption
show examples
.
In other words
, they indicate that it is a must because it reflects the values and the culture of their people and
show
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shows
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 the
humanity
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human
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 side in every single individual towards
the
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apply
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poor
countries
.
For example
, Africa is well known that it suffers
lack
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a lack
show examples
 of resources which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 led to a deteriorating situation and poverty.
Therefore
, nations and rich celebrities are keen to build shelters,
establish
Correct word choice
and establish
show examples
 schools and hospitals to tackle the detrimental effects on people. On the other side, others argue that international support could be stolen rather than given to those who are in need
for
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of
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these money
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this money
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 or the offered aid.
Although
, I partially agree with
such
opinion
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an opinion
show examples
,
but
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apply
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this
 prevention could make the situation
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
. In the sense that,
this
 action of preventing political system involved corruption works would not lead to an effective solution,
instead
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instead,
show examples
this
 would
diffenetly
Correct your spelling
differently
 increase the
suffer
Change the form of the verb
suffering
show examples
 of
poor
Add an article
the poor
a poor
show examples
individual
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individuals
show examples
.
To sum up
, the aforementioned paragraphs have clearly shown
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
. Anyway, I consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conditional aid could be the optimal solution.
in other words
, Any country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 offers
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 should send its own experts to control the
humanity
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humanitarian
show examples
 works it gives.
Submitted by nawartomry on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. The main points should be clearly outlined and expanded upon in individual paragraphs. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by reiterating your main points more clearly and strongly. It should give a sense of closure and summarize your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by refining your sentence structures. Avoid overly complex or convoluted sentences that may confuse the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides your own opinion, which is a strong point in achieving the task response.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, making your points more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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