IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the govrnment's reseponsibility. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #govrnment #reseponsibility
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There are some
people
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 who believe that health and
education
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 expenses should be covered by the
government
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,
while
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 others think that nations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 other priorities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain that there is a heavier responsibility on
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government`s
Correct article usage
the government`s
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 shoulders which is a healthy
industry
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. On the one hand, some individuals think that
people
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`s health and
education
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 can help the
government
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 itself in turn. If the population of a nation is healthier, they can work better which leads to a better society.
Also
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, if the number of educated
people
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 is higher than
standards
Correct article usage
the standards
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, they can solve more complex problems which a country
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
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with
Change preposition
apply
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 can lead to a successful nation.
However
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, I believe that
people
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 can prevent expensive expenses with
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle and the number of individuals who can solve nation-level problems is small.
On the other hand
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, authorities
has
Change the verb form
have
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 to pay
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
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 budget and considerable attention to
industry
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.
People
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 can cover their expenditures if they have
adequete
Correct your spelling
adequate
 income. A
government
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 should improve its
industry
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 to a level where
people
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 can have satisfactory jobs to earn enough money to cover their medicine and
education
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.
Therefore
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, the country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 has
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 full attention on employment can make its
people
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 independent of financial
aids
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aid
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 say that the
government
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 should help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 its health and
education
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 expenditures, eating healthy food will make
people
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 healthier and covering the
education
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 fees of a small number of geniuses can have little effect on the prosperity of a country, and it is far better for a nation to look at other priority which is a
thiriving
Correct your spelling
thriving
industry
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.
Submitted by mohamad.m.sharifi74 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This can make your arguments more convincing and tangible.
task achievement
Work on refining your arguments and ensuring a clear separation between points when discussing different views.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a more logical progression of ideas by linking paragraphs more clearly. Use transitional phrases effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph fully supports the main topic sentences and that the examples are closely related to your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The main arguments for both views are addressed, providing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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