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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A glance at the provided pie charts reveal how many hours are spent in the library by undergraduates and postgraduates compared to all students at university of Britain.

A glance at the provided pie charts reveal how many hours are spent in the library by undergraduates and postgraduates compared to all students at university of Britain.
#glance #hours #library #undergraduates #postgraduates #students #university #britain
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The information about
comparese
Correct your spelling
comparison
of properties of undergraduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 to all
students
Use synonyms
 in British universities and numbers of
hours
Use synonyms
 spend in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 .
This
Linking Words
 information
illustrates
Wrong verb form
is illustrated
show examples
 by pie charts .
Overall
Linking Words
, the dominant percentage of all charts is undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 spend
1to
Correct your spelling
1 to
 7
hours
Use synonyms
in contrast
Linking Words
 the least proportion is
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 group spend more than 15
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 .
Students
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spend
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
show examples
 time from 8 to 14
hours
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 amongst all groups have almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportion
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 32%,28%and 35%
while
Linking Words
 all
students
Use synonyms
 and
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates
show examples
 who spend 15
hours
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 percentage .All
students
Use synonyms
 15 % follow undergraduate 9% .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 rates for
post graduate
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more than 15
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
approximately half of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 proportion .
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 of
students
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 who stay in
Use synonyms
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 from 1 to 7
hours
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 for all
students
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 got exactly half portion
while
Linking Words
undergraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
undergraduates
show examples
 got more than all
students
Use synonyms
 by 13%
at the end
Linking Words
 postgraduate university
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 17%.
Submitted by may.al.zemami on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, hours, library with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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